1
00:00:03,548 --> 00:00:06,251
[dramatic music]

2
00:00:21,566 --> 00:00:24,136
[dramatic music]

3
00:00:35,713 --> 00:00:38,649
[mysterious music]

4
00:00:47,091 --> 00:00:49,427
[dramatic music]

5
00:00:53,498 --> 00:00:56,234
[energetic music]

6
00:01:06,211 --> 00:01:08,380
[dramatic music]

7
00:01:16,086 --> 00:01:18,123
[gentle music]

8
00:01:30,235 --> 00:01:32,937
[soft rumbling]

9
00:01:50,388 --> 00:01:52,723
[water bubbling]

10
00:02:00,165 --> 00:02:03,000
[water splashing]

11
00:02:56,221 --> 00:02:59,457
[Lidia VO] <i>I thought about</i>
<i>starting at the beginning.</i>

12
00:03:01,559 --> 00:03:02,538
[gasp]

13
00:03:02,941 --> 00:03:04,895
<i>But that's not</i>
<i>how I remember it.</i>

14
00:03:05,196 --> 00:03:06,197
[gasp]

15
00:03:12,936 --> 00:03:14,205
<i>It's all a series of</i>

16
00:03:14,239 --> 00:03:15,173
[gasp]

17
00:03:15,206 --> 00:03:16,207
<i>fragments.</i>

18
00:03:18,743 --> 00:03:20,345
<i>Repetitions.</i>

19
00:03:22,781 --> 00:03:25,082
<i>Pattern formations.</i>

20
00:03:26,751 --> 00:03:30,221
[soft orchestral music]

21
00:03:42,032 --> 00:03:43,967
[distant wailing]

22
00:03:47,071 --> 00:03:49,374
<i>When there are no</i>
<i>words for the pain...</i>

23
00:03:54,446 --> 00:03:57,248
<i>let your imagination</i>
<i>change what you know.</i>

24
00:03:59,484 --> 00:04:01,186
[whispers] <i>Conglomerates.</i>

25
00:04:01,219 --> 00:04:03,121
<i>Movement of land</i>
<i>in the freedom of water.</i>

26
00:04:06,056 --> 00:04:07,991
<i>A ring around a rock is luck.</i>

27
00:04:09,194 --> 00:04:11,028
[whispers] <i>Smoothed</i>
<i>into a small thing.</i>

28
00:04:12,831 --> 00:04:14,898
<i>Sandstone is soothing and lucid.</i>

29
00:04:14,932 --> 00:04:17,402
<i>Shale, of course, is rational.</i>

30
00:04:17,435 --> 00:04:18,902
<i>Red rock is earth blood.</i>

31
00:04:21,106 --> 00:04:23,006
<i>You believe in blue.</i>

32
00:04:28,078 --> 00:04:30,248
[distant wailing]

33
00:04:30,281 --> 00:04:32,283
[water running]

34
00:04:42,260 --> 00:04:43,894
[rock clatters]

35
00:04:47,432 --> 00:04:51,935
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

36
00:04:52,837 --> 00:04:54,272
[Lidia VO] <i>Memories...</i>

37
00:04:56,741 --> 00:04:58,075
<i>are stories.</i>

38
00:05:00,512 --> 00:05:03,214
<i>So you better come up</i>
<i>with one you can live with.</i>

39
00:05:03,248 --> 00:05:04,215
[knock]

40
00:05:09,454 --> 00:05:10,455
[slap]

41
00:05:22,734 --> 00:05:24,102
[Claudia] Smiley face.

42
00:05:31,342 --> 00:05:32,477
Flower.

43
00:05:38,349 --> 00:05:39,350
[knocking]

44
00:05:39,950 --> 00:05:41,119
[knocking]

45
00:05:44,756 --> 00:05:46,089
Christmas tree.

46
00:05:53,997 --> 00:05:55,834
[banging]

47
00:05:55,867 --> 00:05:59,504
[Lidia crying]

48
00:05:59,537 --> 00:06:02,674
[tense screeching sound]

49
00:06:04,375 --> 00:06:06,211
[banging]

50
00:06:06,244 --> 00:06:07,245
[slap]

51
00:06:09,614 --> 00:06:10,615
Stop.

52
00:06:11,783 --> 00:06:13,618
[Mike] Claudia, go upstairs.

53
00:06:13,651 --> 00:06:14,652
Go!

54
00:06:17,655 --> 00:06:18,656
Move!

55
00:06:21,493 --> 00:06:22,460
[banging]

56
00:06:22,494 --> 00:06:23,495
[slap]

57
00:06:25,597 --> 00:06:27,499
You just let me know
when you're finished.

58
00:06:28,199 --> 00:06:29,767
We can do this all night.

59
00:06:32,437 --> 00:06:35,406
[Lidia crying]

60
00:06:40,378 --> 00:06:41,713
[Mike] Fuck it!

61
00:06:48,786 --> 00:06:49,787
[slap]

62
00:07:22,387 --> 00:07:24,522
[Dorothy] I think it'll feel
nice, Claudia.

63
00:07:24,556 --> 00:07:27,458
I really think it
will. Fix you right up.

64
00:07:29,861 --> 00:07:31,429
Fix you right up.

65
00:07:41,673 --> 00:07:43,007
Sing with me, Belle.

66
00:07:43,041 --> 00:07:45,577
♪ Oh, my darlin' ♪

67
00:07:45,610 --> 00:07:47,378
♪ Oh, my darlin' ♪

68
00:07:47,412 --> 00:07:50,515
♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine ♪

69
00:07:50,548 --> 00:07:52,817
Come on, Lidia
Belle. Sing with me.

70
00:07:52,850 --> 00:07:54,686
You know all the lyrics.

71
00:07:54,719 --> 00:07:59,290
♪ You're lost
and gone forever ♪

72
00:07:59,324 --> 00:08:01,526
♪ Dreadful sorrow ♪

73
00:08:01,559 --> 00:08:04,729
[Lidia VO] <i>It was my</i>
<i>voice that left.</i>

74
00:08:05,296 --> 00:08:06,764
[pencil scribbling]

75
00:08:08,132 --> 00:08:10,501
<i>Sometimes I think</i>
<i>it arrived on paper.</i>

76
00:08:11,436 --> 00:08:13,705
<i>I wrote pictures</i>
<i>and true things.</i>

77
00:08:13,738 --> 00:08:15,740
<i>Lies interchangeably.</i>

78
00:08:16,641 --> 00:08:19,110
<i>Made me feel like,</i>
<i>like someone else.</i>

79
00:08:19,143 --> 00:08:21,479
-[Mike] Oh, for Christ's sake!
-[water splashing]

80
00:08:21,512 --> 00:08:23,147
[Lidia VO] <i>I wrote</i>
<i>words to belong to.</i>

81
00:08:23,181 --> 00:08:24,649
[Mike] That is our daughter!

82
00:08:24,682 --> 00:08:26,284
[Lidia VO] <i>Not daughter.</i>

83
00:08:27,619 --> 00:08:28,786
<i>To swimmer.</i>

84
00:08:30,188 --> 00:08:31,756
<i>To safety.</i>

85
00:08:31,789 --> 00:08:33,157
<i>To girls.</i>

86
00:08:33,191 --> 00:08:34,759
[whispers] <i>Make my</i>
<i>skin hot.</i>

87
00:08:34,792 --> 00:08:36,060
<i>My head hurt.</i>

88
00:08:36,094 --> 00:08:38,229
<i>My mother. Her hair.</i>

89
00:08:38,896 --> 00:08:40,531
<i>Her scar.</i>

90
00:08:40,565 --> 00:08:42,467
<i>Her stories.</i>

91
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:45,737
[Dorothy] I won a prize
for that story, Belle.

92
00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:47,905
And your daddy

93
00:08:49,607 --> 00:08:53,311
won an art prize
for this drawing.

94
00:08:54,512 --> 00:08:57,415
[Lidia VO] <i>How gone she was.</i>

95
00:08:57,949 --> 00:08:59,417
[pencil scribbling]

96
00:09:02,353 --> 00:09:04,889
<i>And my sister. My adoration.</i>

97
00:09:04,922 --> 00:09:07,425
<i>My sister. My awe.</i>

98
00:09:07,458 --> 00:09:10,762
You look like a bum in that
dumpy sack shirt.

99
00:09:10,795 --> 00:09:12,330
It does nothing for you.

100
00:09:13,231 --> 00:09:14,432
Look at me.

101
00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:18,403
You trying to look like a man?

102
00:09:18,436 --> 00:09:21,406
[Lidia VO] <i>My sister.</i>
<i>Taking everything.</i>

103
00:09:23,341 --> 00:09:25,343
[pencil scribbling]

104
00:09:27,112 --> 00:09:28,312
[snap]

105
00:09:28,346 --> 00:09:30,448
<i>Before you were even born.</i>

106
00:09:49,867 --> 00:09:51,602
[door closes]

107
00:09:53,604 --> 00:09:56,141
-[book slams]
-[footsteps]

108
00:09:56,175 --> 00:09:58,143
[pencil scribbling]

109
00:09:58,177 --> 00:09:59,510
<i>In the house.</i>

110
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,715
<i>Alone in my room.</i>

111
00:10:04,716 --> 00:10:06,217
<i>My arms ache.</i>

112
00:10:06,984 --> 00:10:08,386
<i>My sister is gone.</i>

113
00:10:10,388 --> 00:10:12,690
<i>My mother is...</i>

114
00:10:12,724 --> 00:10:13,725
<i>gone.</i>

115
00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:18,496
<i>My father designs houses in</i>
<i>the room next to mine.</i>

116
00:10:18,529 --> 00:10:19,864
[whispers] <i>He's smoking.</i>

117
00:10:19,897 --> 00:10:20,898
[pencil slams]

118
00:10:27,305 --> 00:10:28,873
[Mike sighs]

119
00:10:30,175 --> 00:10:31,375
[knocking]

120
00:10:32,177 --> 00:10:33,478
[door opens]

121
00:10:34,779 --> 00:10:35,780
[Mike] Hey, honey.

122
00:10:36,181 --> 00:10:37,482
[pencil snaps]

123
00:10:38,183 --> 00:10:39,417
[door shuts]

124
00:10:42,187 --> 00:10:43,421
[Mike grunts]

125
00:10:45,790 --> 00:10:47,358
Hey.

126
00:10:57,169 --> 00:10:59,003
[Lidia VO] <i>I wait for five a.m.</i>

127
00:10:59,036 --> 00:11:00,838
[pencil scribbling]

128
00:11:01,206 --> 00:11:02,673
<i>I pray</i>

129
00:11:02,707 --> 00:11:03,808
[pencil drops]

130
00:11:04,209 --> 00:11:05,710
<i>to swim.</i>

131
00:11:12,817 --> 00:11:16,287
[tense orchestral music]

132
00:11:20,992 --> 00:11:22,426
[Mike VO] <i>My baby girl.</i>

133
00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:27,431
<i>Growing up so fast.</i>

134
00:11:29,801 --> 00:11:30,802
[stomping]

135
00:11:33,704 --> 00:11:34,872
<i>A teenager.</i>

136
00:11:36,275 --> 00:11:37,242
[Lidia grunts]

137
00:11:37,276 --> 00:11:38,609
<i>In high school.</i>

138
00:11:39,410 --> 00:11:40,545
<i>I can't believe it.</i>

139
00:11:40,578 --> 00:11:42,346
[Coach] All right. Line up.

140
00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:45,082
Ladies, weigh in.
You know the drill.

141
00:11:45,117 --> 00:11:47,318
One lick for every
pound you're over.

142
00:11:47,819 --> 00:11:48,853
Torres.

143
00:11:49,587 --> 00:11:50,488
[slap]

144
00:11:50,521 --> 00:11:51,689
[Mike VO] <i>Atta girl.</i>

145
00:11:51,722 --> 00:11:53,457
[Mike pants]

146
00:11:55,260 --> 00:11:57,296
[Lidia screams in pillow]

147
00:11:57,328 --> 00:11:59,231
[pencil scratching on paper]

148
00:11:59,264 --> 00:12:00,331
[Lidia grunts]

149
00:12:00,364 --> 00:12:03,701
<i>That's right, there you go.</i>

150
00:12:03,734 --> 00:12:06,205
[Coach] <i>Reimer. Three pounds.</i>

151
00:12:06,238 --> 00:12:07,505
[slap]

152
00:12:07,905 --> 00:12:08,906
[slap]

153
00:12:09,607 --> 00:12:10,441
[slap]

154
00:12:10,474 --> 00:12:11,843
-[Mike VO] <i>Faster.</i>
-[slap]

155
00:12:12,743 --> 00:12:14,011
[thread tearing]

156
00:12:14,745 --> 00:12:16,347
<i>Come on, baby.</i>

157
00:12:16,848 --> 00:12:18,449
-[slap]
<i>-Harder!</i>

158
00:12:19,016 --> 00:12:20,017
[slap]

159
00:12:22,321 --> 00:12:23,521
[slap]

160
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:32,864
[Coach] Yuknavitch.
One for you, freshman.

161
00:12:32,897 --> 00:12:34,632
So we'll make it count.

162
00:12:35,167 --> 00:12:36,567
[slap echoes]

163
00:12:36,601 --> 00:12:39,503
[crowd clapping and cheering]

164
00:12:52,284 --> 00:12:53,318
[Lidia gasps]

165
00:12:53,352 --> 00:12:54,919
[silence]

166
00:12:54,952 --> 00:12:56,387
[Coach] Go!

167
00:12:56,988 --> 00:12:58,789
[underwater rumbling]

168
00:13:02,327 --> 00:13:03,527
[water splashing]

169
00:13:07,565 --> 00:13:09,800
[Lidia VO]
<i>How many miles does it take</i>

170
00:13:10,835 --> 00:13:12,536
[low rumbling]

171
00:13:13,871 --> 00:13:14,939
<i>to swim</i>

172
00:13:16,841 --> 00:13:18,709
[low rumbling]

173
00:13:19,477 --> 00:13:20,811
<i>to a self?</i>

174
00:13:21,246 --> 00:13:23,547
[rumbling]

175
00:13:24,383 --> 00:13:25,583
<i>How</i>

176
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:27,418
<i>many</i>

177
00:13:27,985 --> 00:13:29,487
<i>fucking</i>

178
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,323
-[rumbling crescendos]
<i>-miles?</i>

179
00:13:31,356 --> 00:13:32,590
[slap]

180
00:13:32,623 --> 00:13:35,092
[crowd cheering, whooping]

181
00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:38,297
[Swimmer] We set a record!

182
00:13:38,330 --> 00:13:40,731
-[Lidia squeals]
-We set a fucking record!

183
00:13:40,765 --> 00:13:42,200
[Announcer] <i>We are</i>
<i>proud to announce</i>

184
00:13:42,234 --> 00:13:44,468
<i>that our 200-yard medley</i>
<i>relay gold-medal winners</i>

185
00:13:44,502 --> 00:13:46,138
<i>from the Florida</i>
<i>Aquatic Swim Team</i>

186
00:13:46,171 --> 00:13:48,572
<i>have achieved the best</i>
<i>time in the entire nation.</i>

187
00:13:48,606 --> 00:13:50,074
<i>Congratulations.</i>

188
00:13:50,108 --> 00:13:51,742
<i>Scouts are watching, seniors.</i>

189
00:13:51,776 --> 00:13:53,844
♪ "The National Anthem" plays ♪

190
00:13:58,250 --> 00:14:00,084
[music fades]

191
00:14:00,118 --> 00:14:01,585
[low rumble]

192
00:14:07,491 --> 00:14:08,726
[tapping]

193
00:14:12,096 --> 00:14:13,097
[teacup clinks]

194
00:14:15,267 --> 00:14:17,135
[Mike gulps, exhales]

195
00:14:17,969 --> 00:14:19,870
[Mike] So you
really want this, huh?

196
00:14:25,977 --> 00:14:27,044
Okay.

197
00:14:27,078 --> 00:14:28,113
[paper tearing]

198
00:14:28,146 --> 00:14:29,513
[paper rustles]

199
00:14:38,290 --> 00:14:39,490
[paper rustles]

200
00:14:44,595 --> 00:14:46,530
[Mike sighs]

201
00:14:46,564 --> 00:14:48,766
You only got a
three-quarter ride.

202
00:14:50,302 --> 00:14:51,502
[Mike sighs]

203
00:14:53,405 --> 00:14:54,839
Hey, if they wanted you,

204
00:14:54,872 --> 00:14:58,176
they would have offered the
whole nine yards, huh?

205
00:14:59,010 --> 00:15:00,178
[paper rustles]

206
00:15:12,056 --> 00:15:13,057
[Mike sighs]

207
00:15:14,159 --> 00:15:17,561
"We are delighted to offer a
partial scholarship."

208
00:15:19,063 --> 00:15:20,432
Half.

209
00:15:20,465 --> 00:15:22,167
You're better than that.

210
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,567
[paper slams on table]

211
00:15:25,404 --> 00:15:26,837
-Last one.
-[paper rips]

212
00:15:41,153 --> 00:15:43,188
[Lidia VO] <i>In my head,</i>
<i>I swam laps.</i>

213
00:15:43,221 --> 00:15:44,156
[paper rustles]

214
00:15:45,022 --> 00:15:46,957
[Mike] Didn't even
get one full ride.

215
00:15:48,260 --> 00:15:49,361
[low rumble]

216
00:15:49,394 --> 00:15:50,594
[paper rustles]

217
00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:53,564
Hey. Don't blame me.

218
00:15:54,765 --> 00:15:56,767
If they don't want you,
then you don't belong there.

219
00:15:56,801 --> 00:15:58,702
[Lidia VO] <i>I could taste blood.</i>

220
00:15:58,736 --> 00:16:01,139
-[Mike] The answer is no.
-[slams paper]

221
00:16:02,107 --> 00:16:03,108
[Lidia VO] <i>Why?</i>

222
00:16:03,607 --> 00:16:06,278
[clock ticks]

223
00:16:09,114 --> 00:16:10,182
[Lidia pants]

224
00:16:10,215 --> 00:16:11,183
[lighter flicks]

225
00:16:11,216 --> 00:16:12,217
<i>Because he could.</i>

226
00:16:15,387 --> 00:16:16,587
What?

227
00:16:17,222 --> 00:16:18,722
[Lidia VO] <i>And I was his.</i>

228
00:16:19,124 --> 00:16:21,126
[dramatic music]

229
00:16:31,103 --> 00:16:33,371
[Mike] <i>Hey. Look at me.</i>

230
00:16:45,517 --> 00:16:47,051
<i>Look at me.</i>

231
00:16:56,528 --> 00:16:58,296
<i>I only want the best for you.</i>

232
00:17:00,298 --> 00:17:01,333
<i>You know that.</i>

233
00:17:04,569 --> 00:17:06,770
[Lidia VO] <i>I knew</i>
<i>he could feel it.</i>

234
00:17:07,738 --> 00:17:09,274
<i>That pink muscle.</i>

235
00:17:10,175 --> 00:17:11,176
<i>Pushing</i>

236
00:17:13,278 --> 00:17:14,412
<i>and pushing.</i>

237
00:17:14,446 --> 00:17:15,913
-[slap]
-[locker slams]

238
00:17:15,946 --> 00:17:17,149
[Coach] You should all
be out there warming up.

239
00:17:17,182 --> 00:17:18,816
[Lidia VO] <i>For all</i>
<i>that it's worth.</i>

240
00:17:18,849 --> 00:17:20,218
-[underwater rumble]
-[splash]

241
00:17:21,286 --> 00:17:22,320
[Lidia panting]

242
00:17:23,555 --> 00:17:25,357
[Texas Tech Coach] Hey, Lidia.

243
00:17:27,392 --> 00:17:29,227
Do you need a hand?

244
00:17:29,261 --> 00:17:31,028
I'm a coach from Texas Tech.

245
00:17:32,164 --> 00:17:33,697
I'm excited to meet you.

246
00:17:34,064 --> 00:17:35,065
Let's talk.

247
00:17:35,733 --> 00:17:37,668
Like to have
you on our team.

248
00:17:38,570 --> 00:17:39,538
[clock ticking]

249
00:17:39,571 --> 00:17:40,771
[gulping]

250
00:17:46,211 --> 00:17:47,711
[ice clinks]

251
00:17:56,655 --> 00:17:57,855
Yes.

252
00:18:04,094 --> 00:18:06,096
[Lidia VO] <i>I almost loved her.</i>

253
00:18:12,637 --> 00:18:14,372
[Dorothy] Let's go, Belle.

254
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,374
[briefcase thuds]

255
00:18:18,776 --> 00:18:20,711
[water runs]

256
00:18:30,721 --> 00:18:32,856
-[tense music rises]
-[footsteps]

257
00:18:39,830 --> 00:18:42,733
[Mike] 'Cause I know you,
Lidia. I know what you do.

258
00:18:42,766 --> 00:18:45,637
And it is disgusting.
Disgusting! You hear me?

259
00:18:45,670 --> 00:18:47,706
It's fucking disgusting, Lidia.

260
00:18:47,738 --> 00:18:50,275
You should be
ashamed of your--

261
00:18:52,544 --> 00:18:53,645
[footsteps]

262
00:18:53,678 --> 00:18:54,979
Lidia!

263
00:18:56,514 --> 00:18:57,781
[stomping]

264
00:18:58,683 --> 00:19:00,017
This is control.

265
00:19:00,884 --> 00:19:03,455
I am controlling myself.

266
00:19:04,456 --> 00:19:05,457
[door slams]

267
00:19:06,458 --> 00:19:08,759
You don't know how far I can go.

268
00:19:09,427 --> 00:19:12,430
[tense music continues]

269
00:19:19,337 --> 00:19:21,071
[door opens]

270
00:19:22,674 --> 00:19:23,907
[crash]

271
00:19:26,977 --> 00:19:30,781
[Lidia VO] <i>My bedroom holds</i>
<i>the wet and the dark of my body.</i>

272
00:19:34,452 --> 00:19:36,053
<i>It smells like my sweat...</i>

273
00:19:37,622 --> 00:19:38,822
<i>and chlorine.</i>

274
00:19:51,736 --> 00:19:52,836
Hey.

275
00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:54,239
Can't sleep, huh?

276
00:19:55,005 --> 00:19:56,608
Yeah. Me neither.

277
00:19:56,641 --> 00:19:58,042
[Mike clears throat]

278
00:20:04,349 --> 00:20:05,350
[Mike chuckles]

279
00:20:07,185 --> 00:20:08,486
Come here.

280
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:09,521
I want to talk to you.

281
00:20:15,059 --> 00:20:18,129
Listen. I'm sorry I've
been so hard on you lately.

282
00:20:20,231 --> 00:20:21,232
I guess I just

283
00:20:23,033 --> 00:20:25,136
really worry about
you out there.

284
00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:30,141
Things are gonna be different
when you go to college.

285
00:20:31,041 --> 00:20:33,144
I want you to listen to me.

286
00:20:33,178 --> 00:20:36,247
[Lidia VO] <i>He narrated</i>
<i>what boys would do to me.</i>

287
00:20:37,415 --> 00:20:39,150
<i>How they would put</i>
<i>their dirty hands</i>

288
00:20:39,184 --> 00:20:41,852
<i>up my skirt and finger-fuck me.</i>

289
00:20:42,754 --> 00:20:43,954
<i>Fondle my tits.</i>

290
00:20:45,923 --> 00:20:47,659
[pants unzipping]

291
00:20:47,692 --> 00:20:48,892
<i>Suck them.</i>

292
00:20:50,894 --> 00:20:53,365
<i>How disgusting boys would be.</i>

293
00:20:55,266 --> 00:20:56,900
<i>Their hands,</i>

294
00:20:56,934 --> 00:20:59,104
<i>their hips wanting in and up.</i>

295
00:20:59,804 --> 00:21:01,106
<i>And their dicks.</i>

296
00:21:02,273 --> 00:21:03,375
<i>And his.</i>

297
00:21:04,074 --> 00:21:05,876
<i>Me sitting next to him,</i>

298
00:21:07,077 --> 00:21:08,879
<i>feeling the heat of him</i>

299
00:21:10,047 --> 00:21:11,483
<i>without even looking.</i>

300
00:21:11,516 --> 00:21:13,284
[rhythmic rustling]

301
00:21:14,786 --> 00:21:16,388
[Lidia breathes heavily]

302
00:21:20,425 --> 00:21:22,893
[rain pattering]

303
00:21:31,969 --> 00:21:34,539
[soft music]

304
00:21:37,242 --> 00:21:39,042
[Lidia breathes in deeply]

305
00:21:45,450 --> 00:21:46,618
[soft footsteps]

306
00:21:47,951 --> 00:21:49,154
[door creaks]

307
00:21:52,424 --> 00:21:53,458
[doorknob squeaks]

308
00:22:03,735 --> 00:22:05,670
[music intensifies]

309
00:22:05,703 --> 00:22:06,970
[lighter flicks]

310
00:22:11,109 --> 00:22:12,644
What you doing out here?

311
00:22:19,784 --> 00:22:21,719
What's the matter with you, huh?

312
00:22:26,224 --> 00:22:28,091
I want you to know that, um,

313
00:22:32,497 --> 00:22:33,498
I love you.

314
00:22:38,503 --> 00:22:39,504
[Lidia exhales]

315
00:22:41,473 --> 00:22:42,474
Huh.

316
00:22:50,915 --> 00:22:52,417
You're a fucking whore.

317
00:22:56,019 --> 00:22:58,490
[music intensifies]

318
00:23:00,859 --> 00:23:02,993
You have something to say to me?

319
00:23:03,561 --> 00:23:04,562
Huh?

320
00:23:11,436 --> 00:23:13,905
[quietly] Fuck you,
motherfucker.

321
00:23:13,938 --> 00:23:15,038
[Mike] What did you--

322
00:23:15,072 --> 00:23:16,641
what did you just say?

323
00:23:19,544 --> 00:23:20,578
Fuck you,

324
00:23:21,679 --> 00:23:23,114
motherfucker.

325
00:23:24,949 --> 00:23:26,951
Get the fuck

326
00:23:26,985 --> 00:23:29,187
[yelling] out of my way!

327
00:23:47,372 --> 00:23:49,307
[Lidia breathes in deeply]

328
00:23:54,612 --> 00:23:55,713
[Lidia exhales]

329
00:24:02,820 --> 00:24:03,821
[crash]

330
00:24:05,490 --> 00:24:06,558
[gasps]

331
00:24:06,591 --> 00:24:07,725
[Lidia VO] <i>All I thought</i>

332
00:24:11,829 --> 00:24:12,830
[gasps]

333
00:24:13,765 --> 00:24:16,334
<i>was my own wide-open cunt</i>

334
00:24:18,603 --> 00:24:19,604
[gasps]

335
00:24:20,305 --> 00:24:21,239
[gasps]

336
00:24:21,272 --> 00:24:22,607
<i>as open as a mouth</i>

337
00:24:24,042 --> 00:24:24,976
<i>screaming</i>

338
00:24:25,009 --> 00:24:26,110
Mother. Mother!

339
00:24:26,144 --> 00:24:27,445
Motherfucker.

340
00:24:28,580 --> 00:24:29,581
[groans]

341
00:24:29,847 --> 00:24:30,815
[gasp]

342
00:24:30,848 --> 00:24:32,784
[Lidia VO] <i>Motherfucker.</i>

343
00:24:33,484 --> 00:24:34,686
[gasp]

344
00:24:34,719 --> 00:24:36,321
[Lidia breathes heavily]

345
00:24:43,161 --> 00:24:45,630
[dramatic music]

346
00:24:51,703 --> 00:24:54,238
<i>I didn't know a girl</i>
<i>body could do that.</i>

347
00:24:54,272 --> 00:24:57,108
♪ "Mine" by Paris Hurley ♪

348
00:24:57,542 --> 00:24:59,243
<i>Shoot cum.</i>

349
00:25:14,692 --> 00:25:17,362
[music continues]

350
00:25:21,165 --> 00:25:23,534
[music continues]

351
00:25:28,107 --> 00:25:29,540
[Swimmer laughs]

352
00:25:30,675 --> 00:25:32,176
<i>My own thoughts. Mine.</i>

353
00:25:32,210 --> 00:25:33,311
<i>My own space.</i>

354
00:25:33,344 --> 00:25:34,512
<i>My own booze.</i>
<i>My own tits.</i>

355
00:25:34,545 --> 00:25:36,781
<i>My own days.</i>
<i>My own nights. Mine.</i>

356
00:25:36,814 --> 00:25:38,583
<i>My own sex. My own booze.</i>

357
00:25:38,616 --> 00:25:41,085
<i>My own food. My own thoughts.</i>
<i>My own friends. My own space.</i>

358
00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:42,320
<i>Mine.</i>

359
00:25:44,522 --> 00:25:45,790
<i>Mine.</i>

360
00:25:45,823 --> 00:25:47,592
[music continues]

361
00:25:48,793 --> 00:25:49,794
<i>Mine.</i>

362
00:25:51,095 --> 00:25:54,165
<i>Mine, mine, mine, mine.</i>
<i>My own freedom.</i>

363
00:25:54,198 --> 00:25:56,701
[music continues]

364
00:25:57,235 --> 00:26:00,571
[singer vocalizing]

365
00:26:10,581 --> 00:26:11,582
<i>Mine.</i>

366
00:26:12,151 --> 00:26:13,351
<i>Mine, mine, mine.</i>

367
00:26:18,656 --> 00:26:20,825
<i>Like something</i>
<i>pressed so far down</i>

368
00:26:20,858 --> 00:26:21,859
<i>in a body,</i>

369
00:26:23,828 --> 00:26:24,962
<i>it had to explode.</i>

370
00:26:29,867 --> 00:26:31,436
[Texas Tech Coach] Yuk!

371
00:26:35,773 --> 00:26:38,476
[Mike VO] <i>Where do you</i>
<i>think you're going?</i>

372
00:26:39,277 --> 00:26:40,478
<i>I know you.</i>

373
00:26:43,981 --> 00:26:45,349
<i>You're going nowhere.</i>

374
00:27:02,967 --> 00:27:04,869
[acoustic guitar playing]

375
00:27:04,902 --> 00:27:08,873
[Phillip] ♪ A miner, 49-er,
and his daughter, ♪

376
00:27:08,906 --> 00:27:10,675
♪ Clementine ♪

377
00:27:15,180 --> 00:27:18,649
♪ Oh, my darlin',
oh, my darlin' ♪

378
00:27:18,683 --> 00:27:22,320
[Dorothy VO]
<i>♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine ♪</i>

379
00:27:22,353 --> 00:27:24,956
<i>♪ You were lost ♪</i>

380
00:27:24,989 --> 00:27:27,258
[Phillip] ♪ And gone forever ♪

381
00:27:27,291 --> 00:27:29,260
♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine ♪

382
00:27:36,067 --> 00:27:38,170
[Lidia VO] <i>So far</i>
<i>from my father.</i>

383
00:27:38,203 --> 00:27:40,772
<i>So far from my father.</i>

384
00:27:40,805 --> 00:27:43,040
<i>So far from my father.</i>

385
00:27:43,074 --> 00:27:44,542
<i>So far from my father.</i>

386
00:27:45,743 --> 00:27:48,012
[Lidia and Phillip
panting heavily]

387
00:27:48,045 --> 00:27:50,681
[rock music playing
in background]

388
00:27:56,087 --> 00:27:57,421
[Lidia] I just want.

389
00:28:06,864 --> 00:28:07,965
I love your hands.

390
00:28:10,101 --> 00:28:11,469
I love your voice.

391
00:28:13,905 --> 00:28:17,441
It's my father and my brother
who have the real voices.

392
00:28:18,976 --> 00:28:21,345
I always hear them in my head.

393
00:28:22,281 --> 00:28:23,481
Really?

394
00:28:25,250 --> 00:28:26,684
What are they saying?

395
00:28:30,721 --> 00:28:32,757
They're singin'
"Amazing Grace."

396
00:28:37,162 --> 00:28:38,729
Voices of God.

397
00:28:39,997 --> 00:28:40,998
[Lidia] Fuck me.

398
00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:43,701
[Phillip] Yeah.

399
00:28:45,736 --> 00:28:47,572
No. Really.

400
00:28:48,906 --> 00:28:49,907
Fuck me.

401
00:28:52,577 --> 00:28:55,446
[scratchy music with
singer vocalizing]

402
00:29:00,585 --> 00:29:02,120
[Lidia VO] <i>Poor Phillip.</i>

403
00:29:02,954 --> 00:29:03,921
[Lidia moans]

404
00:29:05,022 --> 00:29:07,259
<i>I wish I could go</i>
<i>back and apologize.</i>

405
00:29:07,292 --> 00:29:08,492
[Lidia cries out]

406
00:29:17,435 --> 00:29:19,370
[Phillip playing his guitar]

407
00:29:21,306 --> 00:29:24,508
[Phillip] ♪ The way
it's been going ♪

408
00:29:27,979 --> 00:29:30,481
♪ And I know that
peace will come ♪

409
00:29:32,016 --> 00:29:34,886
Fuck all y'all!

410
00:29:34,919 --> 00:29:36,554
Eat me!

411
00:29:36,587 --> 00:29:38,789
[Phillip] ♪ I've been
a-searchin' ♪

412
00:29:40,192 --> 00:29:42,560
♪ For the dolphins ♪

413
00:29:42,593 --> 00:29:45,830
Just a regular James Taylor,

414
00:29:45,863 --> 00:29:49,500
singin' his heart
out here in Texas!

415
00:29:50,868 --> 00:29:53,938
[Phillip] ♪ And
sometimes I wonder ♪

416
00:29:54,872 --> 00:29:59,577
♪ Do you ever think of me? ♪

417
00:30:03,581 --> 00:30:06,550
♪ This world may never change ♪

418
00:30:09,887 --> 00:30:13,691
♪ The way it's been going ♪

419
00:30:16,694 --> 00:30:19,096
♪ And I know that
peace will come ♪

420
00:30:21,366 --> 00:30:23,434
[Lidia laughing]

421
00:30:25,536 --> 00:30:28,140
[Philip] Lidia. Why do
you always do that?

422
00:30:28,173 --> 00:30:30,574
[Lidia cackles]

423
00:30:31,475 --> 00:30:33,844
[Lidia snorts with laughter]

424
00:30:34,779 --> 00:30:37,115
[Lidia laughing] It's funny.
Come on. It's...

425
00:30:37,149 --> 00:30:38,716
Funny! You know it.

426
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,755
Such a pussy!

427
00:30:45,424 --> 00:30:47,525
Come on. Learn how to take a--

428
00:30:47,558 --> 00:30:50,594
Joke. You're so
fucking sensitive.

429
00:30:54,399 --> 00:30:55,900
This is probably

430
00:30:55,933 --> 00:30:57,868
one of the most pathetic
things I've ever seen.

431
00:31:01,605 --> 00:31:02,873
This is what I'm--

432
00:31:03,808 --> 00:31:05,643
This is what I'm talking about.

433
00:31:05,676 --> 00:31:09,780
It's like-- It's like talking
to a fucking doorknob.

434
00:31:09,814 --> 00:31:12,483
Why don't you say something?

435
00:31:13,218 --> 00:31:14,585
Please say anything.

436
00:31:14,618 --> 00:31:16,520
I'm being a fucking bitch,

437
00:31:16,554 --> 00:31:18,923
so why don't you do
something about it?

438
00:31:22,593 --> 00:31:24,595
[Phillip] You're not a bitch.

439
00:31:27,299 --> 00:31:28,666
Fuck you, Phillip!

440
00:31:30,868 --> 00:31:33,537
You don't even fucking
know me, Phillip.

441
00:31:58,263 --> 00:31:59,563
[Lidia VO] <i>"Phillip"</i>

442
00:32:00,698 --> 00:32:02,700
<i>means "lover of horses."</i>

443
00:32:05,337 --> 00:32:06,537
God damn.

444
00:32:07,339 --> 00:32:09,040
[Lidia VO] <i>Or "brotherhood."</i>

445
00:32:13,077 --> 00:32:16,214
[soft dramatic music]

446
00:32:20,485 --> 00:32:22,720
Wake up, motherfucker!

447
00:32:22,753 --> 00:32:25,323
<i>[Lidia whispering indistinctly]</i>

448
00:32:27,091 --> 00:32:28,092
[Lidia sniffs]

449
00:32:29,093 --> 00:32:29,927
[car door slams]

450
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:34,266
<i>[Lidia whispering indistinctly]</i>

451
00:32:39,538 --> 00:32:42,474
[Amy] Hey, Lids.
Want to get out of here?

452
00:32:42,507 --> 00:32:45,143
[Monty] She's good, man.
I'll take her back.

453
00:32:50,515 --> 00:32:53,118
Hey, man. Shut that door.

454
00:32:53,151 --> 00:32:55,353
[Mike] <i>Just shut</i>
<i>the goddamn door!</i>

455
00:32:57,522 --> 00:32:59,357
Haven't seen you at practice.

456
00:33:00,425 --> 00:33:01,892
Yeah. I flunked out.

457
00:33:04,429 --> 00:33:05,729
That's cool.

458
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:16,241
[Lidia groans]

459
00:33:18,510 --> 00:33:21,379
[Lidia VO] <i>I can</i>
<i>still feel my face.</i>

460
00:33:21,413 --> 00:33:23,080
[groaning]

461
00:33:23,115 --> 00:33:24,715
[silence]

462
00:33:32,524 --> 00:33:34,292
<i>Addiction is in me for sure.</i>

463
00:33:36,694 --> 00:33:39,397
<i>But I want to describe</i>
<i>something else to you.</i>

464
00:33:40,432 --> 00:33:41,665
<i>Something smaller.</i>

465
00:33:43,801 --> 00:33:45,137
<i>It's a smaller word.</i>

466
00:33:47,405 --> 00:33:48,406
Mama?

467
00:33:51,143 --> 00:33:53,911
So small, it could
travel a bloodstream.

468
00:33:59,317 --> 00:34:01,051
[Dorothy VO] <i>Go away, Belle.</i>

469
00:34:12,096 --> 00:34:13,331
[Lidia groans]

470
00:34:13,731 --> 00:34:15,333
[footsteps]

471
00:34:16,568 --> 00:34:18,203
[Dorothy] Go away, Belle.

472
00:34:23,741 --> 00:34:25,042
[Lidia] Nice.

473
00:34:28,613 --> 00:34:30,047
[Dorothy] Stay away.

474
00:34:31,550 --> 00:34:33,318
This isn't anything for you.

475
00:34:35,620 --> 00:34:37,721
I'm not talking about anything.

476
00:34:39,823 --> 00:34:41,926
I'm not talking about anything.

477
00:34:44,962 --> 00:34:47,932
[urgent violin music]

478
00:34:51,503 --> 00:34:53,471
I'm not talking about anything.

479
00:34:56,006 --> 00:34:57,875
-[violin music intensifies]
-[Dorothy groans]

480
00:34:57,908 --> 00:34:59,477
[urgent footsteps]

481
00:34:59,511 --> 00:35:00,878
[door shuts]

482
00:35:00,911 --> 00:35:02,314
[Paramedic] Dorothy?

483
00:35:02,347 --> 00:35:03,348
[Dorothy groans]

484
00:35:04,649 --> 00:35:06,384
[Paramedic] Get up. Get up.

485
00:35:22,300 --> 00:35:24,135
[Lidia gasps]

486
00:35:30,675 --> 00:35:31,875
[coughing]

487
00:35:34,044 --> 00:35:35,045
I'm sorry!

488
00:35:41,785 --> 00:35:43,221
I'm sorry.

489
00:35:43,255 --> 00:35:44,289
[Lidia gasps]

490
00:35:44,855 --> 00:35:46,023
[Pastor] Yeah.

491
00:35:47,024 --> 00:35:48,025
Lidia,

492
00:35:49,461 --> 00:35:50,894
you can talk to us.

493
00:35:52,062 --> 00:35:53,063
It helps.

494
00:35:54,299 --> 00:35:55,300
Trust me.

495
00:36:10,848 --> 00:36:12,950
I'm not talking about anything.

496
00:36:14,818 --> 00:36:17,555
[Pastor VO] You know,
I always like to say, uh...

497
00:36:19,691 --> 00:36:22,560
find meaning in life's traffic

498
00:36:23,861 --> 00:36:27,198
through clearing
spiritual barriers.

499
00:36:27,865 --> 00:36:29,066
[door slams shut]

500
00:36:43,448 --> 00:36:44,449
[Lidia sighs]

501
00:36:48,453 --> 00:36:49,454
[Phillip] Uh,

502
00:36:52,357 --> 00:36:53,824
I'm proud of you.

503
00:36:56,328 --> 00:36:57,329
You know?

504
00:37:01,098 --> 00:37:02,099
Yeah.

505
00:37:03,635 --> 00:37:04,835
[Philip] Yeah.

506
00:37:15,213 --> 00:37:16,214
Hey.

507
00:37:19,784 --> 00:37:21,085
Would you marry me?

508
00:37:21,786 --> 00:37:23,488
[Phillip laughs nervously]

509
00:37:38,503 --> 00:37:39,870
[acoustic guitar strums]

510
00:37:39,903 --> 00:37:41,773
-[stops playing]
-[Phillip] Mm.

511
00:37:41,806 --> 00:37:42,940
[Phillip strums again]

512
00:37:42,973 --> 00:37:44,376
[Lidia laughs]

513
00:37:48,413 --> 00:37:49,414
[Phillip] Okay.

514
00:37:52,817 --> 00:37:56,554
♪ And children
have their dreams ♪

515
00:37:56,588 --> 00:37:59,324
♪ To hold on to ♪

516
00:38:02,025 --> 00:38:04,562
♪ And how they fly ♪

517
00:38:04,596 --> 00:38:07,198
♪ Take us to the moon ♪

518
00:38:09,099 --> 00:38:12,903
♪ Yes, they flow from you ♪

519
00:38:14,539 --> 00:38:17,475
♪ They flow from you ♪

520
00:38:19,110 --> 00:38:23,013
♪ And they flow from you ♪

521
00:38:25,383 --> 00:38:28,853
♪ And women have themselves ♪

522
00:38:28,887 --> 00:38:31,088
♪ To hold on to ♪

523
00:38:34,159 --> 00:38:36,694
♪ And how they fly ♪

524
00:38:36,728 --> 00:38:39,464
♪ Take me by surprise ♪

525
00:38:41,266 --> 00:38:45,570
<i>♪ They float from me ♪</i>

526
00:38:45,603 --> 00:38:49,474
<i>♪ They float from me ♪</i>

527
00:38:50,974 --> 00:38:55,078
<i>♪ And they float from me ♪</i>

528
00:38:56,381 --> 00:38:59,049
[Lidia laughs]

529
00:39:00,618 --> 00:39:01,985
Aah!

530
00:39:06,891 --> 00:39:08,226
[Dorothy] Aw!

531
00:39:10,495 --> 00:39:11,962
[clapping]

532
00:39:14,265 --> 00:39:15,966
Oh!

533
00:39:16,367 --> 00:39:17,368
[Lidia gasps]

534
00:39:22,373 --> 00:39:23,374
Oh!

535
00:39:25,810 --> 00:39:26,977
[Dorothy laughs]

536
00:39:27,010 --> 00:39:28,680
Sweetheart.

537
00:39:28,713 --> 00:39:29,980
You did so good.

538
00:39:30,013 --> 00:39:32,116
You did so good!

539
00:39:32,150 --> 00:39:34,719
[Lidia retches, groans]

540
00:39:34,752 --> 00:39:36,754
[low, ominous sounds]

541
00:39:36,788 --> 00:39:38,223
[Lidia coughing]

542
00:39:40,023 --> 00:39:42,227
[Lidia retching, coughing]

543
00:39:48,065 --> 00:39:49,634
[Lidia panting]

544
00:39:56,073 --> 00:39:57,642
[Lidia breathes shakily]

545
00:39:58,810 --> 00:40:00,578
[Phillip] I made you some tea.

546
00:40:00,612 --> 00:40:03,581
I don't want any
tea. What are we gonna do?

547
00:40:03,615 --> 00:40:05,149
[Lidia breathes heavily]

548
00:40:07,017 --> 00:40:08,419
[Phillip VO] <i>Lidia,</i>

549
00:40:08,820 --> 00:40:10,288
I love you.

550
00:40:11,956 --> 00:40:15,193
And whatever you want
to do, I'll support it.

551
00:40:16,661 --> 00:40:19,464
[tense violin music]

552
00:40:20,063 --> 00:40:21,299
That's it?

553
00:40:26,237 --> 00:40:28,740
I need more than nothing

554
00:40:28,773 --> 00:40:31,910
from the most passive
man on the fucking planet!

555
00:40:31,943 --> 00:40:34,712
[tense violin music continues]

556
00:40:44,589 --> 00:40:45,757
[Lidia pants]

557
00:40:47,859 --> 00:40:49,727
Sorry. I've been kind of sick.

558
00:40:52,297 --> 00:40:53,498
[approaching footsteps]

559
00:40:54,832 --> 00:40:56,501
You don't want anything.

560
00:40:56,534 --> 00:41:00,605
And you are killing me with
your not wanting anything!

561
00:41:00,638 --> 00:41:03,374
-What were you thinking?
-[Lidia] <i>I don't know.</i>

562
00:41:03,408 --> 00:41:07,312
I don't know. I don't
know. It's fucking impossible!

563
00:41:07,345 --> 00:41:10,080
I can't stand how nice he--

564
00:41:10,114 --> 00:41:12,216
<i>I can't stand how nice he is!</i>

565
00:41:12,250 --> 00:41:15,853
<i>But...I couldn't have</i>
<i>killed it either.</i>

566
00:41:18,222 --> 00:41:19,490
I was thinking of--

567
00:41:21,459 --> 00:41:23,728
maybe there's
a world in which I--

568
00:41:25,496 --> 00:41:26,598
I come and

569
00:41:27,765 --> 00:41:28,733
live with you

570
00:41:28,766 --> 00:41:29,867
<i>in Eugene</i>

571
00:41:29,901 --> 00:41:31,002
<i>and take some classes</i>

572
00:41:31,035 --> 00:41:32,804
<i>where you're teaching and...</i>

573
00:41:32,837 --> 00:41:36,374
I don't know. Maybe we could
start, like, a little

574
00:41:38,943 --> 00:41:40,378
family.

575
00:41:45,416 --> 00:41:48,152
-Yes.
-'Cause I think my life with him

576
00:41:48,186 --> 00:41:51,689
is gonna be like some
sad, sad fucking country song.

577
00:41:51,723 --> 00:41:54,659
- <i>And this is the only thing</i>
-Lidia, Lidia, I--

578
00:41:54,692 --> 00:41:55,693
I said yes.

579
00:41:56,928 --> 00:41:58,363
[Claudia] <i>Come home.</i>

580
00:42:03,401 --> 00:42:04,402
Okay.

581
00:42:07,538 --> 00:42:08,539
Cool.

582
00:42:10,742 --> 00:42:13,177
[Lidia VO] <i>Because she</i>
<i>left me once</i>

583
00:42:14,113 --> 00:42:15,546
<i>to save her own life.</i>

584
00:42:24,455 --> 00:42:26,157
[Mike] What are you two
doing back there, huh?

585
00:42:26,190 --> 00:42:27,825
Playing with yourselves?

586
00:42:29,694 --> 00:42:30,695
What?

587
00:42:31,829 --> 00:42:33,231
I bring them to the most
beautiful scenery in the world,

588
00:42:33,264 --> 00:42:34,666
and--and they just

589
00:42:34,699 --> 00:42:35,800
playing grab-ass?

590
00:42:38,336 --> 00:42:40,705
[yelling] Look out
the goddamn window!

591
00:42:53,584 --> 00:42:54,852
[car turns off]

592
00:42:58,823 --> 00:42:59,824
Claudia,

593
00:43:00,892 --> 00:43:03,928
grab the hacksaw from
under your mother's seat.

594
00:43:03,961 --> 00:43:05,630
Come on! Let's go.

595
00:43:08,266 --> 00:43:09,500
[door slams]

596
00:43:30,655 --> 00:43:32,857
[Dorothy] Here you go,
sweetheart.

597
00:43:32,890 --> 00:43:33,891
For sustenance.

598
00:43:35,359 --> 00:43:36,761
For sustenance.

599
00:43:38,963 --> 00:43:40,231
You don't want it?

600
00:43:46,738 --> 00:43:47,739
[seat creaks]

601
00:43:48,639 --> 00:43:49,741
Come on, honey. Just
have a little sip.

602
00:43:49,774 --> 00:43:52,376
-[liquid pouring]
-It'll warm you up. Mmm!

603
00:43:59,417 --> 00:44:01,953
[Dorothy hums
"Oh! My Darling Clementine"]

604
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:04,355
[Claudia cries]

605
00:44:05,490 --> 00:44:08,326
-[Dorothy hums]
-[Claudia cries]

606
00:44:08,359 --> 00:44:11,562
[Dorothy] ♪ Blowin' bubbles
soft and fine... ♪

607
00:44:13,198 --> 00:44:15,533
[silence]

608
00:44:19,771 --> 00:44:22,640
[door opens]

609
00:44:22,673 --> 00:44:24,709
-[Dorothy] Well, thank God.
-[Mike sighs]

610
00:44:26,077 --> 00:44:28,213
-[door closes]
-[Mike exhales heavily]

611
00:44:28,247 --> 00:44:30,047
-[Mike pants]
-[hands rubbing]

612
00:44:32,151 --> 00:44:33,584
Where's the tree?

613
00:44:34,318 --> 00:44:35,553
[door creaks open]

614
00:44:36,654 --> 00:44:37,655
[Mike] Just--

615
00:44:38,723 --> 00:44:39,824
[engine starts]

616
00:44:42,059 --> 00:44:43,060
[Lidia VO] <i>Mm.</i>

617
00:44:45,663 --> 00:44:46,664
<i>There.</i>

618
00:44:47,498 --> 00:44:48,966
<i>That's the picture.</i>

619
00:44:49,834 --> 00:44:52,403
[soft music]

620
00:44:54,705 --> 00:44:56,340
[door opens]

621
00:44:58,976 --> 00:45:00,778
-Welcome home.
-[Lidia laughs]

622
00:45:00,812 --> 00:45:01,813
Oh!

623
00:45:06,151 --> 00:45:07,351
Come on in.

624
00:45:07,885 --> 00:45:09,053
I'll get that.

625
00:45:09,086 --> 00:45:10,688
[Lidia] Why?
'Cause I'm pregnant?

626
00:45:10,721 --> 00:45:11,722
Yeah.

627
00:45:16,861 --> 00:45:17,862
[Lidia] Oh.

628
00:45:22,433 --> 00:45:23,634
[Lidia sighs]

629
00:45:26,138 --> 00:45:27,705
[Lidia exhales deeply]

630
00:45:29,874 --> 00:45:32,610
[soft music continues]

631
00:45:37,348 --> 00:45:38,516
[Claudia] Here.

632
00:45:38,983 --> 00:45:40,351
Thanks.

633
00:45:41,986 --> 00:45:42,987
Mmm.

634
00:45:44,622 --> 00:45:45,756
Fuck.

635
00:45:49,294 --> 00:45:51,028
[Lidia makes baby crying noises]

636
00:45:51,062 --> 00:45:52,496
[Claudia laughs]

637
00:45:53,431 --> 00:45:54,799
Thank you, Claudia.

638
00:45:59,770 --> 00:46:00,771
Oof.

639
00:46:03,941 --> 00:46:07,078
Do you remember when you
used to make me do things?

640
00:46:09,614 --> 00:46:11,382
Like...

641
00:46:11,415 --> 00:46:14,253
-"Here. Bite this apple."
-[Lidia laughs]

642
00:46:14,286 --> 00:46:16,321
Sock it in my mouth.

643
00:46:16,355 --> 00:46:17,822
[both giggle]

644
00:46:18,723 --> 00:46:20,958
"Here. Smell this ashtray."

645
00:46:20,992 --> 00:46:23,461
"Just blow it. One, two..."

646
00:46:23,494 --> 00:46:26,063
Ashes all over my fucking face.

647
00:46:30,468 --> 00:46:32,170
I would have done anything.

648
00:46:37,074 --> 00:46:38,542
You were mythic to me.

649
00:46:42,580 --> 00:46:43,848
I remember when
I went downstairs

650
00:46:43,881 --> 00:46:45,650
after you moved
into the basement.

651
00:46:46,584 --> 00:46:51,822
And, um, realize how
smart that was then but

652
00:46:54,226 --> 00:46:56,194
I used to look at
all of your stuff

653
00:46:56,228 --> 00:46:58,130
and used to touch it.

654
00:46:59,231 --> 00:47:00,731
-[Claudia sighs]
-One time I found

655
00:47:00,765 --> 00:47:02,466
a razor blade in your purse.

656
00:47:02,500 --> 00:47:05,237
-Cut myself on it.
-[Young Lidia gasps]

657
00:47:05,270 --> 00:47:07,605
Made the fact that
I had to pee hurt.

658
00:47:21,219 --> 00:47:22,586
I, um,

659
00:47:25,290 --> 00:47:26,490
I know that

660
00:47:26,524 --> 00:47:27,725
this is a...

661
00:47:28,526 --> 00:47:30,094
sacrifice.

662
00:47:31,129 --> 00:47:32,063
[Claudia sighs]

663
00:47:32,096 --> 00:47:33,464
No, uh,

664
00:47:35,233 --> 00:47:36,600
It's just, you--

665
00:47:39,003 --> 00:47:40,638
you were so little. Uh,

666
00:47:42,441 --> 00:47:43,641
uh--

667
00:47:48,447 --> 00:47:49,647
yeah.

668
00:47:54,152 --> 00:47:55,153
Well,

669
00:47:57,688 --> 00:48:00,858
this is one way to
Frankenstein your life.

670
00:48:00,891 --> 00:48:02,260
[Claudia laughs]

671
00:48:09,900 --> 00:48:11,269
Maybe...

672
00:48:11,303 --> 00:48:13,671
I've been waiting for this.

673
00:48:16,241 --> 00:48:19,211
-[machines beeping]
-[Lidia breathing heavily]

674
00:48:20,644 --> 00:48:21,812
[Lidia exhales]

675
00:48:24,216 --> 00:48:25,516
Mmm.

676
00:48:28,420 --> 00:48:29,687
[labored breathing]

677
00:48:34,759 --> 00:48:38,397
-[machines beeping]
-[Lidia grunting]

678
00:48:38,430 --> 00:48:40,798
Yes. Breathe.

679
00:48:42,434 --> 00:48:44,202
-[Lidia grunting]
-I know.

680
00:48:47,105 --> 00:48:48,706
Come on. Come on.

681
00:48:48,739 --> 00:48:49,940
[Lidia cries out]

682
00:48:50,808 --> 00:48:51,909
You...

683
00:48:51,942 --> 00:48:52,943
can...

684
00:48:53,245 --> 00:48:54,545
do it.

685
00:48:55,079 --> 00:48:56,181
[Lidia gasps]

686
00:48:58,183 --> 00:48:59,550
[Lidia cries out]

687
00:49:01,752 --> 00:49:03,554
[wet, visceral sounds]

688
00:49:03,587 --> 00:49:04,822
[Lidia cries out]

689
00:49:06,957 --> 00:49:08,826
[Lidia gasps]

690
00:49:12,364 --> 00:49:14,565
[curtain sliding]

691
00:49:20,771 --> 00:49:23,074
[Lidia whimpers, pants]

692
00:49:36,620 --> 00:49:37,822
Where is she?

693
00:49:40,392 --> 00:49:41,592
Can I hold her?

694
00:49:43,128 --> 00:49:44,129
Uh, yeah.

695
00:49:48,366 --> 00:49:52,170
[Nurse, softly] Just one second.
We're just cleaning her up.

696
00:50:10,188 --> 00:50:11,189
[Lidia sighs]

697
00:50:15,527 --> 00:50:16,794
Her lips are pink.

698
00:50:20,030 --> 00:50:21,031
They're pink.

699
00:50:45,357 --> 00:50:48,092
[somber music]

700
00:50:57,235 --> 00:50:59,337
-[shower running]
-[distant wailing]

701
00:51:03,175 --> 00:51:04,675
[wind blows]

702
00:51:37,342 --> 00:51:38,276
Just th--

703
00:51:40,345 --> 00:51:42,012
throw it as far as you can.

704
00:51:52,257 --> 00:51:53,258
[Phillip grunts]

705
00:52:04,768 --> 00:52:07,138
[Phillip whimpers]

706
00:52:07,172 --> 00:52:09,374
-[Lidia chuckles]
-It's not funny.

707
00:52:13,043 --> 00:52:14,044
Get it.

708
00:52:20,118 --> 00:52:21,119
[Phillip sighs]

709
00:52:33,665 --> 00:52:34,865
God!

710
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:03,461
[Lidia gasps]

711
00:53:07,465 --> 00:53:08,566
Sorry.

712
00:53:15,740 --> 00:53:17,208
[water splashes]

713
00:53:21,746 --> 00:53:24,582
[somber music]

714
00:53:37,262 --> 00:53:38,263
[Phillip cries]

715
00:53:42,534 --> 00:53:44,068
[Phillip cries, laughs]

716
00:53:47,472 --> 00:53:50,108
Look. She's all over you.

717
00:53:52,377 --> 00:53:54,479
You're fucking laughing.

718
00:53:55,613 --> 00:53:58,116
[Lidia laughing]

719
00:54:06,658 --> 00:54:08,159
[Phillip cries]

720
00:54:20,805 --> 00:54:22,374
[Lidia and Phillip laugh]

721
00:54:27,812 --> 00:54:30,148
[Lidia VO] <i>What lived</i>
<i>and died between us</i>

722
00:54:32,517 --> 00:54:33,518
<i>haunts me</i>

723
00:54:34,853 --> 00:54:36,053
<i>still.</i>

724
00:54:36,454 --> 00:54:37,888
[water splashes]

725
00:54:38,456 --> 00:54:39,657
[Lidia gasps]

726
00:54:39,691 --> 00:54:41,326
[Kesey] God damn, girl.

727
00:54:41,359 --> 00:54:43,561
What are you,
some kind of mermaid?

728
00:54:45,296 --> 00:54:46,297
[Lidia] Yep.

729
00:54:51,503 --> 00:54:53,204
[Kesey VO] <i>You got</i>
<i>something to say?</i>

730
00:54:54,339 --> 00:54:55,273
[splash]

731
00:54:55,306 --> 00:54:56,307
No way.

732
00:54:58,576 --> 00:54:59,611
[Claire] Come on.

733
00:55:01,212 --> 00:55:05,082
You deserve this. You
don't want to come with me?

734
00:55:05,116 --> 00:55:07,918
This is crazy. I'm not
even a grad student.

735
00:55:07,951 --> 00:55:09,287
I'm basically just trolling the
English department.

736
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:11,389
You think Kesey
gives a rat's ass

737
00:55:11,423 --> 00:55:12,791
about U of O rules?

738
00:55:12,824 --> 00:55:14,793
You will regret not doing this.

739
00:55:14,826 --> 00:55:16,861
They won't even let me enroll.

740
00:55:16,895 --> 00:55:19,364
Bullshit. I already
told him about you.

741
00:55:19,864 --> 00:55:21,064
The--

742
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:23,201
These--

743
00:55:25,303 --> 00:55:26,069
[sighs]

744
00:55:26,104 --> 00:55:27,839
He's gonna love you.

745
00:55:27,872 --> 00:55:30,475
[upbeat music in background]

746
00:55:32,510 --> 00:55:35,480
You don't want to write
a novel with Ken Kesey?

747
00:55:44,322 --> 00:55:46,224
[Lidia gulps]

748
00:55:56,367 --> 00:55:57,735
Hey, everyone.

749
00:55:57,769 --> 00:55:59,704
Um, hey, everybody. Hey.

750
00:55:59,737 --> 00:56:02,407
[papers rustling]

751
00:56:03,675 --> 00:56:05,176
You're an idiot.

752
00:56:05,210 --> 00:56:07,512
Hi. Um, this is Lidia.

753
00:56:09,814 --> 00:56:11,282
-Say hi.
-Hi.

754
00:56:14,486 --> 00:56:15,620
[Kesey] Well, hello.

755
00:56:16,254 --> 00:56:17,856
What do we have here?

756
00:56:17,889 --> 00:56:20,023
-[chair scrapes]
-A triple-A tootsie?

757
00:56:20,057 --> 00:56:21,292
[class chuckles]

758
00:56:23,328 --> 00:56:25,296
I know what happened to you.

759
00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:30,401
Death is a motherfucker.

760
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:37,542
[rustling]

761
00:56:39,978 --> 00:56:41,179
Ah!

762
00:56:42,814 --> 00:56:44,616
Shit.

763
00:56:44,649 --> 00:56:45,483
-[Kesey] Jeff?
-[Jeff] Yes.

764
00:56:45,517 --> 00:56:47,050
[Kesey] You think
you can roll one?

765
00:56:47,084 --> 00:56:49,821
I always hate sitting in
a room full of writers.

766
00:56:49,854 --> 00:56:51,122
[Jeff] Sure.

767
00:56:55,460 --> 00:56:56,461
[Kesey coughs]

768
00:56:57,829 --> 00:56:59,531
[chair scoots]

769
00:56:59,564 --> 00:57:00,331
[Lidia laughs]

770
00:57:00,365 --> 00:57:02,032
[Kesey] The chair will be fine.

771
00:57:03,434 --> 00:57:05,270
I want you all

772
00:57:10,975 --> 00:57:13,043
I want you all to be winners.

773
00:57:13,711 --> 00:57:15,246
I want

774
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:17,148
you to be warriors.

775
00:57:18,449 --> 00:57:19,450
Warriors.

776
00:57:20,118 --> 00:57:22,186
I'll give you the warrior test.

777
00:57:22,587 --> 00:57:23,821
Shit floats.

778
00:57:24,656 --> 00:57:25,990
Cream rises.

779
00:57:26,024 --> 00:57:29,059
Shit floats. Jerry Rubin.

780
00:57:31,094 --> 00:57:32,497
Cream rises.

781
00:57:40,438 --> 00:57:41,439
Ferlinghetti.

782
00:57:42,607 --> 00:57:44,409
[class laughs]

783
00:57:44,442 --> 00:57:45,443
Lord Buckley.

784
00:57:46,477 --> 00:57:47,745
Lenny Bruce.

785
00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:50,114
The greats.

786
00:57:52,016 --> 00:57:53,585
I want you to be great.

787
00:57:56,054 --> 00:57:57,488
Shit, somebody

788
00:57:58,623 --> 00:58:01,759
has got to create our
culture for the next 50 years.

789
00:58:01,793 --> 00:58:03,194
And I want it to be you.

790
00:58:03,227 --> 00:58:04,929
[Kesey] All right.
There are only two rules.

791
00:58:04,963 --> 00:58:06,331
-One,
-[jazzy drums beating]

792
00:58:06,364 --> 00:58:08,333
do not talk the plot
of our novel

793
00:58:08,366 --> 00:58:10,868
to anyone outside this class.

794
00:58:11,869 --> 00:58:15,406
Two, I comprise 50% of the class

795
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:18,242
so we only write together

796
00:58:19,177 --> 00:58:21,145
because we will publish

797
00:58:21,179 --> 00:58:22,880
or perish together.

798
00:58:24,849 --> 00:58:25,883
[chair creeks]

799
00:58:25,917 --> 00:58:27,518
[crash]

800
00:58:29,887 --> 00:58:31,489
Nelson Algren said

801
00:58:33,057 --> 00:58:34,659
"The job of the writer

802
00:58:35,627 --> 00:58:38,529
is to pull the judge
down onto the dock,

803
00:58:40,064 --> 00:58:41,366
to make

804
00:58:42,433 --> 00:58:45,536
the Almighty feel
what it's like to be down low."

805
00:58:46,738 --> 00:58:47,805
He'll be all right.

806
00:58:49,874 --> 00:58:51,542
Grass never killed anybody.

807
00:58:52,844 --> 00:58:54,679
So, go.

808
00:58:56,180 --> 00:58:57,515
Right now.

809
00:58:58,316 --> 00:59:00,151
Write some bizarre sentences.

810
00:59:00,184 --> 00:59:03,187
Hey! Where are you?

811
00:59:03,221 --> 00:59:06,924
You can't take Quaaludes
before the class.

812
00:59:06,958 --> 00:59:09,060
Now disappear into
your imagination.

813
00:59:09,093 --> 00:59:10,461
Come on!

814
00:59:10,495 --> 00:59:12,196
Disappear into your imagination.

815
00:59:12,230 --> 00:59:14,432
Nobody's in the room
but you and that pen.

816
00:59:15,700 --> 00:59:17,435
[harmonica playing]

817
00:59:19,570 --> 00:59:20,705
[Kesey] Better.

818
00:59:23,108 --> 00:59:24,575
Here you are.

819
00:59:24,609 --> 00:59:26,177
This is the shit.

820
00:59:30,848 --> 00:59:32,583
I wrote "Demon Box" in here.

821
00:59:33,651 --> 00:59:36,087
This room here is a
creative room here.

822
00:59:36,121 --> 00:59:37,588
It's a creative space.

823
00:59:37,622 --> 00:59:38,623
Hey, Bennett.

824
00:59:39,590 --> 00:59:41,225
You didn't bring any
ludes with you, did you?

825
00:59:41,259 --> 00:59:44,395
You know, those kind of
drugs put you into your body,

826
00:59:44,429 --> 00:59:45,730
not into your mind.

827
00:59:46,731 --> 00:59:50,802
Stick with the acid,
psilocybin, San Pedro --

828
00:59:50,835 --> 00:59:53,504
something that'll
disintegrate your ego

829
00:59:53,538 --> 00:59:55,740
so you can hear
your inner voice.

830
00:59:56,974 --> 00:59:58,876
And you write from that voice.

831
01:00:01,379 --> 01:00:03,614
You want your voice
to come through.

832
01:00:08,286 --> 01:00:09,921
Oh, Jesus.

833
01:00:09,954 --> 01:00:11,322
[Kesey grunts]

834
01:00:12,590 --> 01:00:14,726
That's not supposed to happen.

835
01:00:15,426 --> 01:00:17,462
I got wrestler's knees.

836
01:00:19,630 --> 01:00:21,133
All right.

837
01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:23,501
Let's get outside
before the sun sets.

838
01:00:24,169 --> 01:00:25,369
I want you

839
01:00:26,904 --> 01:00:28,740
to meet someone.

840
01:00:30,142 --> 01:00:31,342
[Kesey groans]

841
01:00:32,144 --> 01:00:33,244
Come on!

842
01:00:33,644 --> 01:00:34,645
Fuck you, God!

843
01:00:36,414 --> 01:00:38,217
God got the
commandments wrong.

844
01:00:38,249 --> 01:00:39,650
I think there's 11 commandments.

845
01:00:39,684 --> 01:00:42,386
And it should be the
first commandment, have mercy.

846
01:00:42,420 --> 01:00:45,490
-[Claire] Hey.
-[Kesey] Lord, have mercy!

847
01:00:45,523 --> 01:00:47,992
Just think if everybody
had mercy for each other,

848
01:00:48,025 --> 01:00:49,393
where we'd be today.

849
01:00:49,427 --> 01:00:51,629
You see a man in the
street who needs a few dollars.

850
01:00:51,662 --> 01:00:55,700
Give it to him. Give it to him.
Have mercy. He needs it.

851
01:00:55,733 --> 01:00:57,802
He wouldn't ask for
it if he didn't need it.

852
01:01:00,071 --> 01:01:01,272
Mercy.

853
01:01:02,440 --> 01:01:04,375
Hire me to rewrite the...

854
01:01:05,543 --> 01:01:06,544
Bible.

855
01:01:11,183 --> 01:01:13,050
[owl hoots]

856
01:01:17,321 --> 01:01:18,956
[rocks clank]

857
01:01:28,466 --> 01:01:30,701
What are you, some
kind of mermaid?

858
01:01:39,977 --> 01:01:40,978
Yep.

859
01:01:44,249 --> 01:01:46,417
[Kesey coughs]

860
01:01:50,222 --> 01:01:51,422
[Kesey spits]

861
01:01:53,457 --> 01:01:55,893
[Kesey] You know,
when Jed died, my boy,

862
01:01:56,994 --> 01:01:59,030
I wanted to cease to exist.

863
01:02:07,206 --> 01:02:11,475
And everybody that talked to
me said something asinine.

864
01:02:15,012 --> 01:02:16,747
Or didn't say anything at all.

865
01:02:28,759 --> 01:02:29,760
[Kesey sighs]

866
01:02:31,196 --> 01:02:33,464
Nobody understands
death anymore.

867
01:02:38,237 --> 01:02:39,537
[Kesey] It used to be sacred.

868
01:02:40,172 --> 01:02:41,372
So sacred.

869
01:02:42,207 --> 01:02:44,809
[gentle music]

870
01:02:46,345 --> 01:02:47,545
Shit.

871
01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:52,516
No one's big enough to
hold what happens to us.

872
01:02:56,188 --> 01:02:57,622
No one is big enough

873
01:02:59,191 --> 01:03:00,825
to hold what happens to us.

874
01:03:07,199 --> 01:03:08,799
You got something to say?

875
01:03:17,475 --> 01:03:18,809
It's in your hands.

876
01:03:20,212 --> 01:03:22,813
-[fire crackles]
-[gentle music]

877
01:03:30,355 --> 01:03:31,656
[Kesey groans]

878
01:03:35,459 --> 01:03:36,861
[scribbling on paper]

879
01:03:39,964 --> 01:03:42,867
[gentle music continues]

880
01:03:42,900 --> 01:03:46,437
[Lidia VO] <i>Everything about</i>
<i>my father was in his hands.</i>

881
01:03:51,376 --> 01:03:53,711
[Mike VO] <i>It's all</i>
<i>about coordination.</i>

882
01:03:56,248 --> 01:03:59,318
A perfectly balanced dance of

883
01:03:59,351 --> 01:04:00,718
shadow and light.

884
01:04:02,019 --> 01:04:04,822
[Lidia VO] <i>Before</i>
<i>my father was my father,</i>

885
01:04:05,623 --> 01:04:07,192
<i>he was an artist.</i>

886
01:04:07,225 --> 01:04:10,661
[Dorothy VO]
<i>Your daddy won a prize</i>

887
01:04:10,695 --> 01:04:12,096
<i>for this drawing.</i>

888
01:04:14,799 --> 01:04:17,601
[Lidia VO] <i>Before</i>
<i>my father was an artist,</i>

889
01:04:18,236 --> 01:04:19,503
<i>he was an athlete.</i>

890
01:04:19,537 --> 01:04:21,505
[pencil scribbling]

891
01:04:21,539 --> 01:04:23,607
<i>Before my father</i>
<i>was my father,</i>

892
01:04:27,011 --> 01:04:28,012
<i>he was beautiful.</i>

893
01:04:29,147 --> 01:04:30,148
<i>And she was.</i>

894
01:04:31,283 --> 01:04:32,984
<i>Before my father</i>
<i>was my father,</i>

895
01:04:34,419 --> 01:04:35,619
<i>he was a boy.</i>

896
01:04:36,188 --> 01:04:37,488
<i>Just a boy</i>

897
01:04:38,190 --> 01:04:39,590
<i>whose own mother</i>

898
01:04:40,158 --> 01:04:41,993
<i>cut his tongue.</i>

899
01:04:48,166 --> 01:04:49,867
<i>Before I hated him,</i>

900
01:04:51,902 --> 01:04:52,903
<i>I loved him.</i>

901
01:04:59,043 --> 01:05:00,145
[Mike] Look up.

902
01:05:00,178 --> 01:05:01,512
<i>Now, if you don't look</i>
<i>where you're going,</i>

903
01:05:01,545 --> 01:05:02,847
<i>you're gonna crash, you hear me?</i>

904
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:03,914
<i>When you get to the</i>
<i>bottom of the hill,</i>

905
01:05:03,948 --> 01:05:06,151
you just brake enough
to make a turn.

906
01:05:06,184 --> 01:05:07,185
Okay?

907
01:05:09,488 --> 01:05:10,855
[low rumble]

908
01:05:11,088 --> 01:05:12,556
Go.

909
01:05:12,590 --> 01:05:14,159
-Keep your eyes on the road!
-[Bike pedaling]

910
01:05:14,192 --> 01:05:15,526
Keep going.

911
01:05:16,027 --> 01:05:17,262
Keep your head up!

912
01:05:17,295 --> 01:05:18,829
[distant pedaling]

913
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:23,502
Keep those eyes on the road.

914
01:05:23,534 --> 01:05:25,102
-You gotta brake!
-[crash]

915
01:05:25,137 --> 01:05:27,805
-[pencil scribbling]
-[breathing heavily]

916
01:05:29,774 --> 01:05:30,941
[Dorothy VO] <i>Mike?</i>

917
01:05:31,209 --> 01:05:32,210
Mike.

918
01:05:32,943 --> 01:05:34,179
Mike!

919
01:05:34,212 --> 01:05:35,980
-Get a flashlight.
-What for?

920
01:05:36,013 --> 01:05:37,449
[Mike] I think
she's hurt down there.

921
01:05:37,482 --> 01:05:40,252
-[Dorothy] What?!
What happened?!

922
01:05:40,285 --> 01:05:41,420
[Mike] Just shut
the goddamn door.

923
01:05:41,453 --> 01:05:42,354
[door slams]

924
01:05:42,387 --> 01:05:43,422
[Lidia] Mm, yeah.

925
01:05:43,455 --> 01:05:45,424
[Bocnher] You done
with that chapter?

926
01:05:45,457 --> 01:05:47,925
[soft music playing
in background]

927
01:05:49,361 --> 01:05:50,561
[books rustling]

928
01:05:51,129 --> 01:05:52,130
Yep.

929
01:06:10,848 --> 01:06:11,849
Hey.

930
01:06:12,983 --> 01:06:15,320
Hi. Hello.

931
01:06:15,353 --> 01:06:17,289
[Lidia laughs]

932
01:06:20,525 --> 01:06:23,228
I'm a writer [laughs].

933
01:06:23,261 --> 01:06:26,997
[applause]

934
01:06:37,242 --> 01:06:38,510
[Kesey] Thank you.

935
01:06:38,543 --> 01:06:39,478
[Kesey coughs]

936
01:06:39,511 --> 01:06:40,878
Thank you.

937
01:06:40,911 --> 01:06:44,882
We are gathered because, uh,
we want to see the results.

938
01:06:44,915 --> 01:06:49,920
We want to witness the
results of this experiment,

939
01:06:49,954 --> 01:06:54,359
a collaborative
novel written by us.

940
01:06:54,392 --> 01:06:55,393
[audience laughter]

941
01:06:55,427 --> 01:06:57,462
Please, let's welcome

942
01:06:57,496 --> 01:07:00,332
the first of the
not-so-merry pranksters

943
01:07:00,365 --> 01:07:03,033
to the stage to present

944
01:07:04,302 --> 01:07:05,303
"Caverns."

945
01:07:06,304 --> 01:07:08,306
Lidia, come on up.

946
01:07:08,340 --> 01:07:10,275
[applause]

947
01:07:11,576 --> 01:07:13,077
You're gonna kill it.

948
01:07:31,229 --> 01:07:32,430
[Kesey] Whoo!

949
01:07:34,064 --> 01:07:35,300
Hello.

950
01:07:35,333 --> 01:07:37,402
My thigh, behind my knee.

951
01:07:37,435 --> 01:07:38,769
-[Kesey] There you go.
-You, too?

952
01:07:38,802 --> 01:07:40,238
-[Kesey] Thank you for coming.
-[Claire] My ass crack.

953
01:07:40,272 --> 01:07:42,307
Back of my knees, and
they're just like...

954
01:07:42,340 --> 01:07:43,674
[Mike] Lidia's father.

955
01:07:44,742 --> 01:07:47,711
What can I say? I'm a
great admirer of yours.

956
01:07:47,745 --> 01:07:49,381
[Kesey] Mike.
Is that right?

957
01:07:50,215 --> 01:07:51,849
[Mike] That's right.

958
01:07:51,882 --> 01:07:54,685
[Kesey] Glad you could make it.

959
01:07:54,718 --> 01:07:57,489
[Mike] Lidia and I, we saw
"Cuckoo's Nest" and, uh,

960
01:07:57,522 --> 01:08:00,458
"Sometimes a Great Notion"
together, and it's just great.

961
01:08:00,492 --> 01:08:02,360
I mean, great books.

962
01:08:05,197 --> 01:08:06,464
You know, Mike

963
01:08:08,065 --> 01:08:09,099
Lidia here

964
01:08:10,768 --> 01:08:13,205
she can knock it
out of the park.

965
01:08:17,375 --> 01:08:19,110
Do you want me to sign that?

966
01:08:23,582 --> 01:08:25,082
Thanks for coming, Dad.

967
01:08:30,655 --> 01:08:31,855
Okay.

968
01:08:32,424 --> 01:08:33,425
To...

969
01:08:34,159 --> 01:08:35,160
Mike?

970
01:08:36,161 --> 01:08:37,162
[Mike] Please.

971
01:08:39,029 --> 01:08:40,030
"To Mike.

972
01:08:41,031 --> 01:08:42,032
Be

973
01:08:44,269 --> 01:08:45,270
brave."

974
01:08:54,979 --> 01:08:56,281
There you go, Mike.

975
01:09:00,918 --> 01:09:02,187
There you go, baby.

976
01:09:03,121 --> 01:09:04,054
Yep.

977
01:09:04,088 --> 01:09:06,757
[Kesey and Lidia laughing]

978
01:09:15,567 --> 01:09:17,469
[Kesey clears
his throat, groans]

979
01:09:24,743 --> 01:09:27,178
I've seen a lot of
writers come and go.

980
01:09:31,283 --> 01:09:32,417
You got the stuff.

981
01:09:36,488 --> 01:09:38,223
[hand thumps]

982
01:09:38,989 --> 01:09:40,458
Got something for you.

983
01:09:41,058 --> 01:09:42,059
Here.

984
01:09:44,195 --> 01:09:45,196
Here.

985
01:09:47,965 --> 01:09:51,202
It comes from the most
spiritual beach on Earth.

986
01:09:53,204 --> 01:09:54,205
Hold that.

987
01:09:56,341 --> 01:09:57,509
You can hold it all.

988
01:10:00,878 --> 01:10:02,946
You're gonna hold it all, girl.

989
01:10:05,350 --> 01:10:06,351
[Kesey slurps]

990
01:10:09,621 --> 01:10:10,821
So,

991
01:10:12,290 --> 01:10:13,391
so, what's next?

992
01:10:16,661 --> 01:10:19,830
-Next?
-Next. What is next? Next.

993
01:10:25,637 --> 01:10:26,837
[Lidia sighs]

994
01:10:28,206 --> 01:10:30,941
I want to write
"The Sound and the Fury."

995
01:10:31,543 --> 01:10:33,877
[Kesey laughs]

996
01:10:34,245 --> 01:10:35,246
[cup clinks]

997
01:10:38,483 --> 01:10:40,118
[Kesey coughs]

998
01:10:42,120 --> 01:10:43,854
Of course you do, honey.

999
01:10:45,523 --> 01:10:46,857
Oh, boy.

1000
01:10:47,692 --> 01:10:49,461
-[rock clatters]
-[Kesey gasps]

1001
01:10:49,494 --> 01:10:50,562
[cup clatters]

1002
01:10:51,995 --> 01:10:54,332
Here. Throw it and
see if I can catch it.

1003
01:10:54,366 --> 01:10:55,367
-Ready?
-Yeah.

1004
01:10:56,568 --> 01:10:58,102
-Ah!
-Shit!

1005
01:11:00,105 --> 01:11:01,106
Ah.

1006
01:11:02,107 --> 01:11:05,008
-[Kesey sighs]
-A lot riding on that going in.

1007
01:11:08,213 --> 01:11:10,281
[Kesey] It has no metaphor.

1008
01:11:11,182 --> 01:11:13,518
-Okay.
-[Kesey] Fuck metaphors.

1009
01:11:14,152 --> 01:11:14,985
Okay.

1010
01:11:15,018 --> 01:11:17,020
[Kesey] It's just
a rock that fell.

1011
01:11:22,694 --> 01:11:24,429
[Kesey mumbles]

1012
01:11:25,963 --> 01:11:28,400
I'm gonna get the
rock and I'm gonna go pee.

1013
01:11:28,433 --> 01:11:30,100
-All right.
-Ugh!

1014
01:11:30,135 --> 01:11:32,337
Oh, yeah. There
we go. You got it.

1015
01:11:34,572 --> 01:11:35,573
[cup clatters]

1016
01:11:36,907 --> 01:11:39,210
[Lidia VO] <i>That was</i>
<i>the last time I saw him.</i>

1017
01:11:39,244 --> 01:11:41,212
[Kesey] You can write, girl!

1018
01:11:41,246 --> 01:11:43,681
<i>[Lidia VO] I'm of the opinion,</i>
<i>that he drowned.</i>

1019
01:11:43,715 --> 01:11:48,319
[ocean sounds]

1020
01:11:51,156 --> 01:11:53,758
Caddy wants to fuck.

1021
01:11:53,792 --> 01:11:55,527
She's insatiable.

1022
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:59,264
And because her neighbor boy
man has a giant pants bulge

1023
01:11:59,297 --> 01:12:01,433
and a sound that
comes out of him

1024
01:12:01,466 --> 01:12:02,567
instead of language,

1025
01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:04,101
she goes over to his house

1026
01:12:04,135 --> 01:12:05,969
and she removes
all of her clothes,

1027
01:12:06,003 --> 01:12:07,971
so he finally fucks her

1028
01:12:08,873 --> 01:12:10,475
and crushes her.

1029
01:12:12,610 --> 01:12:14,846
He fucks her to death,

1030
01:12:14,879 --> 01:12:17,348
and she loves it!

1031
01:12:17,382 --> 01:12:20,785
And she laughs until she cries,
and an ambulance has to come.

1032
01:12:20,819 --> 01:12:22,085
But it's too late.

1033
01:12:23,388 --> 01:12:25,490
That is "The Sound
and the Fury."

1034
01:12:26,925 --> 01:12:28,126
[Chad] Trite.

1035
01:12:29,427 --> 01:12:32,363
Look, I've already read
"The Sound and the Fury."

1036
01:12:32,397 --> 01:12:35,098
Reworking Faulkner
is some college shit.

1037
01:12:36,768 --> 01:12:37,968
[Lidia sighs]

1038
01:12:40,037 --> 01:12:42,340
Maybe try something original.

1039
01:12:42,373 --> 01:12:43,475
[Lidia exhales]

1040
01:12:44,776 --> 01:12:45,976
God,

1041
01:12:46,377 --> 01:12:47,378
I hate them.

1042
01:12:47,912 --> 01:12:49,647
Hey.

1043
01:12:49,681 --> 01:12:51,349
What the hell does he know?

1044
01:12:51,883 --> 01:12:53,485
It is original.

1045
01:12:53,518 --> 01:12:55,286
It's a fucking pastiche.

1046
01:12:56,321 --> 01:12:58,456
-[Claire] Hey!
-[Hannah] Ha! Hey.

1047
01:12:58,490 --> 01:13:01,392
You want to go to the
coast? I got us a room.

1048
01:13:01,793 --> 01:13:03,161
Hi, Hannah.

1049
01:13:03,194 --> 01:13:04,896
We're actually gonna work
on these this weekend.

1050
01:13:04,929 --> 01:13:05,996
-[Lidia] Right.
-[Hannah] Come on.

1051
01:13:06,029 --> 01:13:07,398
Is your fly undone?

1052
01:13:08,399 --> 01:13:09,367
Lids.

1053
01:13:09,400 --> 01:13:10,902
[smack]

1054
01:13:10,935 --> 01:13:13,103
-[Hannah] What is that?
-Oh!

1055
01:13:16,641 --> 01:13:18,008
I fucking dare you.

1056
01:13:18,041 --> 01:13:20,043
[Lidia whispering]

1057
01:13:20,678 --> 01:13:21,679
Come on.

1058
01:13:22,680 --> 01:13:23,848
[Lidia VO] <i>Anything.</i>

1059
01:13:23,882 --> 01:13:24,883
[Lidia screams]

1060
01:13:24,916 --> 01:13:26,251
<i>Anytime.</i>

1061
01:13:26,284 --> 01:13:27,485
Whoa!

1062
01:13:27,519 --> 01:13:29,120
[Lidia VO] <i>Anywhere.</i>
<i>Anything. Anytime. Anywhere.</i>

1063
01:13:29,153 --> 01:13:30,355
Please be careful!

1064
01:13:30,388 --> 01:13:32,190
-[Lidia VO] <i>To feel absolutely</i>
-[loud thud]

1065
01:13:32,223 --> 01:13:34,024
-[Lidia cries out]
<i>-nothing.</i>

1066
01:13:37,228 --> 01:13:39,364
[Hannah] I'm gonna go
grab some firewood.

1067
01:13:39,397 --> 01:13:41,566
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

1068
01:13:42,967 --> 01:13:44,168
[door shuts]

1069
01:14:04,122 --> 01:14:05,557
Is this like a--

1070
01:14:07,525 --> 01:14:08,593
a fuck trip?

1071
01:14:10,728 --> 01:14:11,729
[Lidia laughs]

1072
01:14:13,865 --> 01:14:15,065
[Hannah] What?

1073
01:14:17,335 --> 01:14:19,704
I've never -- I've
never licked pussy.

1074
01:14:20,738 --> 01:14:22,440
-[Lidia] Oh!
-[laughing]

1075
01:14:23,474 --> 01:14:26,210
[dramatic music]

1076
01:14:46,331 --> 01:14:49,767
[dramatic music continues]

1077
01:15:04,349 --> 01:15:06,517
[seabirds squawking]

1078
01:15:29,073 --> 01:15:31,409
[Lidia VO] <i>I wanted</i>
<i>to stay like that.</i>

1079
01:15:40,351 --> 01:15:42,420
<i>Outside of any word.</i>

1080
01:15:48,259 --> 01:15:50,395
[whispering] <i>Inside</i>
<i>the unnamed wet.</i>

1081
01:15:50,962 --> 01:15:52,163
[Lidia gasps]

1082
01:15:58,803 --> 01:15:59,804
[gasps]

1083
01:16:01,239 --> 01:16:03,708
[panting]

1084
01:16:04,742 --> 01:16:07,211
[dramatic music continues]

1085
01:16:18,756 --> 01:16:19,957
[Claire ] You okay?

1086
01:16:23,027 --> 01:16:24,228
[Lidia groans]

1087
01:16:29,901 --> 01:16:31,235
[Lidia squeals]

1088
01:16:31,869 --> 01:16:33,638
[laughter]

1089
01:16:39,911 --> 01:16:41,212
[gasps]

1090
01:16:42,013 --> 01:16:44,515
[dramatic music continues]

1091
01:16:49,787 --> 01:16:52,590
[Lidia laughing]

1092
01:17:06,571 --> 01:17:08,372
[Claire] I love you, Lids.

1093
01:17:11,442 --> 01:17:13,911
[music grows darker]

1094
01:17:19,151 --> 01:17:20,485
I really love you.

1095
01:17:24,055 --> 01:17:25,523
[distant shriek]

1096
01:17:41,773 --> 01:17:42,774
Yeah.

1097
01:17:43,808 --> 01:17:44,942
I'll see you later.

1098
01:17:53,451 --> 01:17:55,520
-[water flowing]
-[birds calling]

1099
01:17:59,323 --> 01:18:00,691
[Lidia VO] <i>In water,</i>

1100
01:18:01,959 --> 01:18:02,960
<i>like in books</i>

1101
01:18:06,265 --> 01:18:07,832
<i>you can leave your life.</i>

1102
01:18:07,865 --> 01:18:08,866
[water splashes]

1103
01:18:23,848 --> 01:18:25,583
[pencil scribbling]

1104
01:18:27,252 --> 01:18:28,452
[splash]

1105
01:18:28,486 --> 01:18:30,955
-[splash]
-[jazzy drums beating]

1106
01:18:30,988 --> 01:18:32,056
-[Claudia] I got it.

1107
01:18:32,089 --> 01:18:33,357
-[Lidia] No!
-[Claudia] I got it!

1108
01:18:33,391 --> 01:18:35,227
[Lidia VO] <i>I remember</i>
<i>a happy childhood.</i>

1109
01:18:35,260 --> 01:18:36,961
-[Claudia squeals]
-[Lidia] Come on, come on.

1110
01:18:36,994 --> 01:18:39,231
[Lidia VO] <i>We dive,</i>
<i>we swim, we race.</i>

1111
01:18:39,264 --> 01:18:40,965
Lidia went
fast that time.

1112
01:18:40,998 --> 01:18:44,101
[Lidia VO] <i>We laugh like</i>
<i>other people's children.</i>

1113
01:18:49,507 --> 01:18:50,908
[hair dryers whirring]

1114
01:18:53,044 --> 01:18:56,981
<i>I remember first and last</i>
<i>names like Evie Kosenkranius</i>

1115
01:18:57,014 --> 01:18:58,482
<i>and Lynn Collella Belle.</i>

1116
01:18:58,516 --> 01:19:01,886
<i>Lynn Collella Belle.</i>
<i>Lynn Collella Belle.</i>

1117
01:19:01,919 --> 01:19:02,987
<i>Lynn Collella Belle.</i>

1118
01:19:05,523 --> 01:19:07,491
<i>Making song loops in my skull.</i>

1119
01:19:07,525 --> 01:19:09,093
<i>♪ Lynn Collella ♪</i>

1120
01:19:09,127 --> 01:19:10,862
<i>♪ Lynn Collella Belle ♪</i>

1121
01:19:10,895 --> 01:19:11,863
<i>Belle.</i>

1122
01:19:11,896 --> 01:19:12,864
[smack]

1123
01:19:12,897 --> 01:19:14,266
[smack]

1124
01:19:14,299 --> 01:19:15,433
[hairbrush clatters]

1125
01:19:15,466 --> 01:19:17,001
[cymbals clang]

1126
01:19:17,435 --> 01:19:18,502
[locker slams]

1127
01:19:18,536 --> 01:19:20,938
-[cymbals clang]
-[girls laughing]

1128
01:19:20,972 --> 01:19:23,108
<i>-Lynn Collella Belle.</i>
-[hands slapping]

1129
01:19:23,141 --> 01:19:25,509
[Lidia whispering]

1130
01:19:31,582 --> 01:19:32,984
[Dorothy humming]

1131
01:19:33,017 --> 01:19:34,018
[Mike] Mono?

1132
01:19:35,354 --> 01:19:37,388
Isn't that
the kissing disease?

1133
01:19:40,925 --> 01:19:42,827
No. Don't be silly.

1134
01:19:46,131 --> 01:19:47,765
Everything's gonna
be okay, Belle.

1135
01:19:47,798 --> 01:19:48,666
You'll see.

1136
01:19:48,699 --> 01:19:49,934
You're gonna feel better.

1137
01:19:53,604 --> 01:19:56,774
And your daddy's gonna
take real good care of you.

1138
01:19:58,277 --> 01:19:59,844
-Aren't you?
-[Mike] We'll be all right.

1139
01:19:59,877 --> 01:20:02,947
[Dorothy] Okay. Mama's
gonna go sell some houses.

1140
01:20:04,582 --> 01:20:06,417
[Mike] Hey, honey.

1141
01:20:07,051 --> 01:20:08,519
[sighs]

1142
01:20:12,324 --> 01:20:13,424
My baby girl.

1143
01:20:13,457 --> 01:20:14,725
[car engine cranks]

1144
01:20:14,759 --> 01:20:16,961
You just give it
a couple of days.

1145
01:20:20,798 --> 01:20:22,433
Shh.

1146
01:20:23,467 --> 01:20:25,503
[Lidia VO] <i>It is language</i>
<i>letting me say...</i>

1147
01:20:25,536 --> 01:20:26,904
[Mike] There you go.

1148
01:20:26,938 --> 01:20:28,973
[Lidia VO] <i>...how four</i>
<i>weeks can be years.</i>

1149
01:20:29,006 --> 01:20:30,708
[pencil scribbling]

1150
01:20:31,776 --> 01:20:34,146
<i>It is the yielding expanse</i>

1151
01:20:34,512 --> 01:20:35,713
<i>of a white</i>

1152
01:20:36,148 --> 01:20:37,349
<i>page.</i>

1153
01:20:37,382 --> 01:20:40,084
[tense music]

1154
01:20:45,957 --> 01:20:47,692
[tense music rising]

1155
01:20:47,725 --> 01:20:49,161
[crash]

1156
01:21:15,586 --> 01:21:18,589
[Photographer] Have you
shown these to anyone?

1157
01:21:20,292 --> 01:21:21,492
No.

1158
01:21:25,130 --> 01:21:27,366
[ambient music rising]

1159
01:21:27,399 --> 01:21:29,134
Like, body,

1160
01:21:29,468 --> 01:21:30,668
skin

1161
01:21:31,002 --> 01:21:32,003
scars.

1162
01:21:34,572 --> 01:21:37,142
People always ask me why

1163
01:21:37,175 --> 01:21:39,043
my work is so dark.

1164
01:21:41,446 --> 01:21:44,282
<i>What do you know</i>
<i>about pain, Lidia?</i>

1165
01:21:45,549 --> 01:21:46,751
[Lidia] <i>Um,</i>

1166
01:21:49,920 --> 01:21:50,921
<i>I know that</i>

1167
01:21:53,325 --> 01:21:54,959
<i>it matters to me.</i>

1168
01:21:57,661 --> 01:21:59,830
[Photographer]
<i>I'm gonna take care of you.</i>

1169
01:22:03,734 --> 01:22:05,036
Do you understand?

1170
01:22:07,905 --> 01:22:08,906
[Lidia cries]

1171
01:22:10,841 --> 01:22:12,810
Now ask me for what you want.

1172
01:22:17,482 --> 01:22:18,682
[Lidia] Um.

1173
01:22:20,718 --> 01:22:23,155
[Photographer]
That's not right, angel.

1174
01:22:23,188 --> 01:22:24,189
[Lidia] Um,

1175
01:22:25,490 --> 01:22:26,690
um,

1176
01:22:28,092 --> 01:22:29,093
I

1177
01:22:30,328 --> 01:22:31,296
want

1178
01:22:31,530 --> 01:22:32,464
you

1179
01:22:32,497 --> 01:22:33,697
to

1180
01:22:34,765 --> 01:22:36,100
[Photographer]
Mm?

1181
01:22:37,502 --> 01:22:39,271
[Lidia VO] <i>Knock it out of me.</i>

1182
01:22:41,106 --> 01:22:42,107
[Lidia gasps]

1183
01:22:45,510 --> 01:22:46,877
[Lidia] To whip me.

1184
01:22:48,280 --> 01:22:50,714
[Photographer] Where would
you like to be whipped,

1185
01:22:51,516 --> 01:22:52,716
angel?

1186
01:22:56,687 --> 01:22:57,988
-Everywhere.
-[slap]

1187
01:22:58,022 --> 01:22:59,124
[slap]

1188
01:23:03,661 --> 01:23:05,729
[Photographer]
Take it somewhere.

1189
01:23:06,398 --> 01:23:07,399
[slap]

1190
01:23:07,432 --> 01:23:08,632
-[slap]
-[gasp]

1191
01:23:08,666 --> 01:23:10,502
Take the pain somewhere.

1192
01:23:10,535 --> 01:23:12,736
[gentle music]

1193
01:23:13,238 --> 01:23:14,239
[slap]

1194
01:23:17,242 --> 01:23:18,609
-[slap]
-[Lidia VO] <i>Mama.</i>

1195
01:23:20,878 --> 01:23:21,779
[slap]

1196
01:23:21,812 --> 01:23:23,281
-[slap]
-[Lidia gasps]

1197
01:23:23,315 --> 01:23:24,316
[slap]

1198
01:23:27,119 --> 01:23:28,120
[slap]

1199
01:23:28,819 --> 01:23:30,322
I am proud of you.

1200
01:23:31,423 --> 01:23:32,623
[slap]

1201
01:23:33,991 --> 01:23:34,992
[slap]

1202
01:23:36,428 --> 01:23:37,395
[slap]

1203
01:23:37,429 --> 01:23:38,896
[Lidia exhales]

1204
01:23:42,099 --> 01:23:45,035
[Lidia VO] <i>I'm not trying</i>
<i>to creep you out.</i>

1205
01:23:52,611 --> 01:23:54,279
<i>I am trying to be precise.</i>

1206
01:24:03,954 --> 01:24:05,423
[Lidia] "At the moment my
mother was whining,

1207
01:24:05,457 --> 01:24:06,891
Daddy was smelling my cunt.

1208
01:24:06,924 --> 01:24:08,826
I've reached my best
moment now, he explained.

1209
01:24:08,859 --> 01:24:10,761
Now I was sure what
he was referring to.

1210
01:24:10,794 --> 01:24:12,230
This is the moment of truth.

1211
01:24:12,264 --> 01:24:14,332
I'm going off, off,
off, jacking it off.

1212
01:24:14,366 --> 01:24:16,401
My hands are gonna be
broken from this one.

1213
01:24:16,434 --> 01:24:17,835
I don't even
recognize my own body.

1214
01:24:17,868 --> 01:24:19,437
It doesn't matter.
I know you're mine.

1215
01:24:19,471 --> 01:24:20,938
I made you, I'm making you.

1216
01:24:20,971 --> 01:24:22,440
I swore I'd live for pleasure.

1217
01:24:22,474 --> 01:24:23,974
My tongue is fucking enormous.

1218
01:24:24,008 --> 01:24:25,410
Feel it. It's reaching
down to my waist.

1219
01:24:25,443 --> 01:24:28,446
You're seeing your actual
father in his moment of truth.

1220
01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:29,914
God Almighty, nothing matters.

1221
01:24:29,947 --> 01:24:32,284
You're my God, my
daughter, I worship you.

1222
01:24:32,317 --> 01:24:34,252
I beg you to do it
show I can please you.

1223
01:24:34,286 --> 01:24:36,820
Now look at it. It's big in
my corkscrewing hand.

1224
01:24:36,854 --> 01:24:38,856
Kiss it. My father
explained again,

1225
01:24:38,889 --> 01:24:41,759
I am fucking God and
I made God. Holy shit.

1226
01:24:41,792 --> 01:24:43,128
All I have to do
is look at God,

1227
01:24:43,161 --> 01:24:44,995
and God is happy 'cause
I've made God cum.

1228
01:24:45,029 --> 01:24:47,064
God is in heaven. I'm
in heaven and I've died.

1229
01:24:47,097 --> 01:24:49,733
The whole world in heaven. I'm
cumming all over your face.

1230
01:24:49,767 --> 01:24:50,968
I licked up his sperm."

1231
01:24:51,001 --> 01:24:52,370
[Student] This is
making me sick.

1232
01:25:00,512 --> 01:25:03,381
[typing]

1233
01:25:11,989 --> 01:25:14,992
[Mike VO] <i>Who in the hell</i>
<i>do you think you are?</i>

1234
01:25:16,461 --> 01:25:18,028
My father's daughter.

1235
01:25:21,132 --> 01:25:22,300
[chair creaks]

1236
01:25:29,441 --> 01:25:30,442
[bottle opens]

1237
01:25:40,851 --> 01:25:42,153
[can cracks open]

1238
01:26:00,004 --> 01:26:01,038
Goddamn.

1239
01:26:02,274 --> 01:26:03,541
[Lidia VO] <i>Year one.</i>

1240
01:26:03,575 --> 01:26:05,909
-[Lidia] Vodka!
-[intense bass booming]

1241
01:26:07,112 --> 01:26:10,080
[Lidia VO] <i>I drink vodka,</i>
<i>mostly all the time.</i>

1242
01:26:10,115 --> 01:26:12,684
[Devin] One shot in the eye,
shot in the eye.

1243
01:26:12,717 --> 01:26:14,452
[Lidia VO] <i>And felt</i>
<i>nothing about myself.</i>

1244
01:26:14,486 --> 01:26:16,288
-[laughing]
-[moaning]

1245
01:26:17,988 --> 01:26:20,057
<i>We drink, we laugh, we fuck.</i>

1246
01:26:20,958 --> 01:26:23,060
<i>We make fuck-body paint shadows.</i>

1247
01:26:24,496 --> 01:26:27,332
<i>We make performance</i>
<i>art. We perform ourselves.</i>

1248
01:26:27,365 --> 01:26:29,800
[Devin] Fuck you, God!

1249
01:26:37,007 --> 01:26:40,312
-[banging]
-[Devin] Open the door!

1250
01:26:40,345 --> 01:26:42,714
[Lidia VO] <i>We carved each</i>
<i>other's names into our arms.</i>

1251
01:26:42,747 --> 01:26:44,649
[Lidia] I did it for you!

1252
01:26:44,683 --> 01:26:46,351
[crashing]

1253
01:26:47,252 --> 01:26:48,253
[Devin] Fuck!

1254
01:26:50,888 --> 01:26:52,357
-[moaning]
-[grunting]

1255
01:26:53,023 --> 01:26:54,259
[Lidia VO] <i>We fuck septic.</i>

1256
01:26:54,292 --> 01:26:55,694
It was right in
front of me, Devin.

1257
01:26:55,727 --> 01:26:57,395
I could see exactly
what was happening.

1258
01:26:57,429 --> 01:26:59,497
-You don't even realize.
-I don't even realize what?!

1259
01:26:59,531 --> 01:27:01,733
You don't even realize I'm gonna
fucking marry you.

1260
01:27:01,766 --> 01:27:04,135
-Whoa! Oh!
-[Lidia laughs]

1261
01:27:06,036 --> 01:27:07,871
[Devin] To Mike and Dorothy.

1262
01:27:07,905 --> 01:27:10,108
I'm so happy they fucked.

1263
01:27:13,778 --> 01:27:16,614
-[Lidia VO] To skip to year six,
-[Devin] Hey!

1264
01:27:16,648 --> 01:27:17,848
[Lidia VO] <i>when</i>
<i>underwater stories</i>

1265
01:27:17,881 --> 01:27:19,384
<i>-start itching</i>
-[Devin] Come on!

1266
01:27:19,417 --> 01:27:20,851
[Lidia VO] <i>and yelling</i>
<i>begins a rhythm</i>

1267
01:27:20,884 --> 01:27:22,320
<i>where drinking gets</i>
<i>louder and him--</i>

1268
01:27:22,354 --> 01:27:25,089
Go back to kissing women I know
and kissing women I don't know!

1269
01:27:25,123 --> 01:27:27,659
[Lidia VO] <i>And what is a</i>
<i>couple over time but a line?</i>

1270
01:27:27,692 --> 01:27:28,892
[Devin] I'll show you
a fucking line.

1271
01:27:28,926 --> 01:27:31,463
Your fucking bullshit is
taking over the house!

1272
01:27:31,496 --> 01:27:34,098
[Lidia VO] <i>It was</i>
<i>taking over the house.</i>

1273
01:27:39,404 --> 01:27:40,405
Oh, no.

1274
01:27:41,773 --> 01:27:42,973
Oh, no.

1275
01:27:44,576 --> 01:27:45,577
Oh, no.

1276
01:27:54,586 --> 01:27:55,886
Fuck.

1277
01:28:01,393 --> 01:28:02,527
I don't wanna fuck.

1278
01:28:04,763 --> 01:28:06,197
I want to read.

1279
01:28:08,466 --> 01:28:09,467
Fuck you.

1280
01:28:15,106 --> 01:28:17,308
[Lidia VO] <i>I didn't</i>
<i>want to drink.</i>

1281
01:28:19,544 --> 01:28:20,612
<i>I wanted to write.</i>

1282
01:28:25,082 --> 01:28:27,918
[indiscernible whispers]

1283
01:28:29,920 --> 01:28:32,123
What is a couple
over time but a line?

1284
01:28:32,157 --> 01:28:34,057
[crickets chirping]

1285
01:28:36,628 --> 01:28:38,929
[Lidia VO] <i>Year seven,</i>
<i>I finish my dissertation.</i>

1286
01:28:43,368 --> 01:28:44,369
[bang]

1287
01:28:45,737 --> 01:28:47,305
<i>Year eight, I get a PhD.</i>

1288
01:28:47,872 --> 01:28:49,340
[trickling on the floor]

1289
01:28:53,010 --> 01:28:55,346
[train passing]

1290
01:29:04,021 --> 01:29:05,223
<i>Year ten.</i>

1291
01:29:06,458 --> 01:29:07,459
<i>We pretend.</i>

1292
01:29:11,061 --> 01:29:12,464
[birds chirping]

1293
01:29:12,497 --> 01:29:13,631
[Lidia] You said then

1294
01:29:15,900 --> 01:29:18,670
-[Devin snores]
-you would love me until I die.

1295
01:29:23,441 --> 01:29:26,344
You said we would
die together in love.

1296
01:29:30,915 --> 01:29:32,217
[Lidia laughs]

1297
01:29:40,124 --> 01:29:42,126
[whispers] You said it to me.

1298
01:29:46,197 --> 01:29:47,998
[Lidia VO] <i>Where are you?</i>

1299
01:29:49,501 --> 01:29:50,502
[Devin snores]

1300
01:29:54,672 --> 01:29:56,006
<i>Where is the man?</i>

1301
01:29:56,407 --> 01:29:57,408
[Devin snores]

1302
01:30:03,515 --> 01:30:06,417
[dramatic music]

1303
01:30:12,257 --> 01:30:14,425
<i>Who would love a woman like me?</i>

1304
01:30:19,130 --> 01:30:21,466
[train rumbles]

1305
01:30:29,974 --> 01:30:32,443
[heavy typing]

1306
01:30:39,551 --> 01:30:40,552
[slap]

1307
01:30:58,136 --> 01:30:59,737
[Mike VO] <i>Don't you dare.</i>

1308
01:31:00,305 --> 01:31:01,306
[crying]

1309
01:31:10,748 --> 01:31:12,850
[low rumble]

1310
01:31:15,920 --> 01:31:17,121
[heavy keystroke]

1311
01:31:34,906 --> 01:31:36,107
[Lidia exhales]

1312
01:31:37,642 --> 01:31:38,643
Ha.

1313
01:31:41,179 --> 01:31:42,380
[chair creaks]

1314
01:31:45,783 --> 01:31:48,119
[printer humming]

1315
01:31:59,330 --> 01:32:02,367
[soft music playing
in background]

1316
01:32:18,117 --> 01:32:19,684
[papers shifting]

1317
01:32:24,123 --> 01:32:25,690
[sighs, clears her throat]

1318
01:32:52,083 --> 01:32:53,751
[Lidia laughs]

1319
01:33:01,359 --> 01:33:03,461
"The date of your reading."

1320
01:33:06,264 --> 01:33:07,465
[Lidia laughs]

1321
01:33:08,167 --> 01:33:09,367
[envelope tears]

1322
01:33:13,337 --> 01:33:14,505
[paper rustling]

1323
01:33:15,640 --> 01:33:16,641
[envelope tears]

1324
01:33:21,879 --> 01:33:23,347
[paper slams on table]

1325
01:33:24,982 --> 01:33:25,983
[lighter flicks]

1326
01:33:26,851 --> 01:33:28,219
[Mike] What?

1327
01:33:30,155 --> 01:33:31,989
[low rumble]

1328
01:33:42,300 --> 01:33:44,368
[distant, distorted applause]

1329
01:33:51,909 --> 01:33:53,611
[Moderator] <i>Please welcome</i>

1330
01:33:58,816 --> 01:34:01,419
<i>reading an excerpt from</i>
<i>her first collection</i>

1331
01:34:01,452 --> 01:34:03,387
<i>of short stories,</i>
<i>"Her Other Mouths,"</i>

1332
01:34:03,421 --> 01:34:05,423
- <i>Lidia Yuknavitch.</i>
-[applause]

1333
01:34:08,193 --> 01:34:10,561
Lidia, please. Welcome.

1334
01:34:18,803 --> 01:34:20,304
[audience chatter]

1335
01:34:25,276 --> 01:34:27,812
[Lidia VO] "The day
my daughter was born.

1336
01:34:29,781 --> 01:34:31,382
After I held the future.

1337
01:34:35,820 --> 01:34:36,821
Stillborn.

1338
01:34:40,658 --> 01:34:41,659
And pink.

1339
01:34:46,831 --> 01:34:47,832
And rose-lipped.

1340
01:34:51,102 --> 01:34:53,571
And rose-lipped in
my shivering arms.

1341
01:34:54,872 --> 01:34:56,340
Little tragedies are

1342
01:34:56,374 --> 01:34:58,309
difficult to keep straight.

1343
01:35:03,614 --> 01:35:07,286
Chronology convinces us we are
moving toward a real place.

1344
01:35:07,318 --> 01:35:09,487
[Lidia VO] Swimmers,
to your marks.

1345
01:35:10,955 --> 01:35:12,523
A gunshot.

1346
01:35:12,557 --> 01:35:15,092
A gunshot released
our tense flesh.

1347
01:35:16,561 --> 01:35:18,863
Fathers were often uncontainable

1348
01:35:18,896 --> 01:35:21,666
while the little women
swam for their lives.

1349
01:35:21,699 --> 01:35:22,767
Swim.

1350
01:35:24,169 --> 01:35:25,603
Swim!

1351
01:35:26,103 --> 01:35:27,605
Hurry!

1352
01:35:28,739 --> 01:35:30,341
Come on, baby.

1353
01:35:31,709 --> 01:35:32,710
Harder.

1354
01:35:33,145 --> 01:35:34,345
Harder!

1355
01:35:35,012 --> 01:35:36,114
Faster!

1356
01:35:36,148 --> 01:35:39,350
A cacophony of men swelling

1357
01:35:39,383 --> 01:35:43,020
and pressing down
on the wet motion.

1358
01:35:44,856 --> 01:35:48,926
How many times did I slip
into the chlorinated depths,

1359
01:35:49,827 --> 01:35:54,166
secretly hoping to
shed this useless skin

1360
01:35:54,199 --> 01:35:57,501
and emerge something

1361
01:36:01,772 --> 01:36:02,907
amphibious

1362
01:36:05,310 --> 01:36:06,644
and without gender?

1363
01:36:08,980 --> 01:36:10,381
[underwater rumbling]

1364
01:36:11,916 --> 01:36:12,917
[Lidia sighs]

1365
01:36:15,419 --> 01:36:16,621
The thing is,

1366
01:36:20,625 --> 01:36:23,928
this letting everything in

1367
01:36:25,596 --> 01:36:27,965
and waiting to
see what comes out

1368
01:36:31,802 --> 01:36:32,803
is creepy

1369
01:36:34,373 --> 01:36:35,573
and idiotic.

1370
01:36:37,575 --> 01:36:41,313
And it's starting
to piss me off

1371
01:36:41,346 --> 01:36:45,449
that I have to even
think about that hole.

1372
01:36:46,184 --> 01:36:47,518
What I am saying is

1373
01:36:52,257 --> 01:36:56,994
there is a woman in a room who
is tired of looking down

1374
01:37:00,198 --> 01:37:01,532
and bleeding

1375
01:37:02,700 --> 01:37:03,601
and--

1376
01:37:03,634 --> 01:37:06,971
bearing and itching and aching.

1377
01:37:08,506 --> 01:37:12,476
And tired of remaining open

1378
01:37:12,510 --> 01:37:16,114
with no hope of
suturing herself up.

1379
01:37:26,657 --> 01:37:28,693
It isn't that I want it gone.

1380
01:37:32,830 --> 01:37:33,831
It's that

1381
01:37:34,865 --> 01:37:35,866
I want

1382
01:37:36,834 --> 01:37:37,835
wanting

1383
01:37:39,637 --> 01:37:43,007
to come from somewhere else.

1384
01:37:48,679 --> 01:37:53,118
There are moments between years
that surface with great force."

1385
01:37:54,785 --> 01:37:56,754
[Lidia] Remind me
why we're here.

1386
01:37:56,787 --> 01:37:59,124
[Claudia] I thought
this was your idea.

1387
01:37:59,157 --> 01:38:00,624
I came here with you.

1388
01:38:05,163 --> 01:38:06,164
Delusion.

1389
01:38:08,699 --> 01:38:10,168
Grown women are idiots.

1390
01:38:12,270 --> 01:38:13,271
I don't know.

1391
01:38:14,473 --> 01:38:15,673
She begged.

1392
01:38:22,314 --> 01:38:23,647
I changed my name.

1393
01:38:30,054 --> 01:38:31,055
[Dorothy] Mike!

1394
01:38:32,290 --> 01:38:34,692
Lidia! Lidia!

1395
01:38:35,394 --> 01:38:37,628
Lidia! Lidia!

1396
01:38:38,196 --> 01:38:39,964
Mike! Lidia!

1397
01:38:40,232 --> 01:38:41,799
Lidia!

1398
01:38:41,832 --> 01:38:43,901
[Lidia] Turn him over.
Help me!

1399
01:38:45,102 --> 01:38:46,103
[Lidia grunting]

1400
01:38:52,943 --> 01:38:54,212
[child screams]

1401
01:39:03,488 --> 01:39:04,688
[Lidia VO] "Kill.

1402
01:39:06,224 --> 01:39:08,260
Or suck the killing back.

1403
01:39:13,131 --> 01:39:14,565
And pump it

1404
01:39:15,566 --> 01:39:19,204
into the story of someone else.

1405
01:39:19,237 --> 01:39:21,939
[Lidia panting]

1406
01:39:21,972 --> 01:39:26,077
[Lidia VO] My father lost his
memory from hypoxia that day.

1407
01:39:26,977 --> 01:39:28,513
[water splashes]

1408
01:39:28,547 --> 01:39:29,747
[pounding]

1409
01:39:30,781 --> 01:39:32,583
I did not kill him.

1410
01:39:34,519 --> 01:39:35,953
I did not save him.

1411
01:39:37,922 --> 01:39:41,992
-[birds calling]
-I am learning to live on land."

1412
01:39:45,130 --> 01:39:46,131
Um,

1413
01:39:47,132 --> 01:39:48,133
[Lidia inhales]

1414
01:39:49,134 --> 01:39:50,701
[applause]

1415
01:39:50,734 --> 01:39:52,970
Thanks. Oh, that -- that's...

1416
01:39:53,003 --> 01:39:55,107
[applause]

1417
01:40:07,319 --> 01:40:09,019
[Female 1] But have your
parents read this story?

1418
01:40:09,053 --> 01:40:11,223
-What do they think of it?
-[Lidia clears throat]

1419
01:40:11,256 --> 01:40:12,124
Enjoy New York. Really.

1420
01:40:12,157 --> 01:40:13,991
You're gonna get an
agent outta this.

1421
01:40:17,094 --> 01:40:18,796
[Female 2] Lidia,
it's so nice to meet you.

1422
01:40:18,829 --> 01:40:20,298
Thank you for being here.

1423
01:40:20,698 --> 01:40:21,899
Excuse me.

1424
01:40:23,201 --> 01:40:24,768
Do you have anything, um,

1425
01:40:26,138 --> 01:40:27,638
a little stronger?

1426
01:40:29,006 --> 01:40:30,007
Thanks.

1427
01:40:34,845 --> 01:40:37,081
Carol Houck Smith,
Norton Publishing.

1428
01:40:39,184 --> 01:40:41,685
It's pretty impressive
what you did up there.

1429
01:40:43,087 --> 01:40:44,256
Thank you.

1430
01:40:44,289 --> 01:40:48,226
No, really. It didn't look easy.

1431
01:40:49,361 --> 01:40:52,397
Tell me, is there any
more where that came from?

1432
01:40:52,430 --> 01:40:55,634
Something, a little longer?

1433
01:40:55,666 --> 01:40:57,701
-[airplane rumble]
-[cocktail party fades]

1434
01:40:58,736 --> 01:41:00,771
You should send me something.

1435
01:41:05,477 --> 01:41:06,944
[Lidia VO] <i>It's just that</i>

1436
01:41:09,780 --> 01:41:13,817
<i>something in me had been born</i>

1437
01:41:15,387 --> 01:41:16,388
<i>still.</i>

1438
01:41:24,094 --> 01:41:25,729
-[music playing]
-♪ And there you got me ♪

1439
01:41:25,763 --> 01:41:27,064
♪ That's how you got me ♪

1440
01:41:27,097 --> 01:41:29,367
♪ You taught me to be mean ♪

1441
01:41:34,239 --> 01:41:35,574
♪ But I ♪

1442
01:41:35,607 --> 01:41:37,142
♪ Ran out ♪

1443
01:41:37,175 --> 01:41:43,047
♪ Of white dove's feathers ♪

1444
01:41:43,080 --> 01:41:45,716
♪ To soak up the hot ♪

1445
01:41:45,749 --> 01:41:48,386
♪ Piss that comes
through your mouth ♪

1446
01:41:48,420 --> 01:41:50,854
<i>It's a small stone I carry.</i>

1447
01:41:52,557 --> 01:41:53,757
♪ Ohh ♪

1448
01:41:54,825 --> 01:41:57,629
<i>Shame of wanting</i>
<i>something good.</i>

1449
01:41:57,662 --> 01:42:02,133
♪ Of white dove's feathers... ♪

1450
01:42:03,535 --> 01:42:05,736
[sirens wailing]

1451
01:42:23,655 --> 01:42:26,291
[dramatic music]

1452
01:42:29,294 --> 01:42:30,761
[Lidia gulps]

1453
01:42:45,976 --> 01:42:48,380
[Lidia indiscernible]

1454
01:42:48,413 --> 01:42:51,915
[dramatic music continues]

1455
01:43:01,626 --> 01:43:03,794
-[tires screeching]
-[crash]

1456
01:43:07,399 --> 01:43:08,366
[door slams]

1457
01:43:19,009 --> 01:43:20,844
[door twisting open]

1458
01:43:26,751 --> 01:43:28,852
-[woman crying]
-[broken glass clinking]

1459
01:43:31,855 --> 01:43:33,491
[woman whimpering]

1460
01:43:38,896 --> 01:43:41,098
[woman crying]

1461
01:43:41,899 --> 01:43:44,502
[dramatic music continues]

1462
01:43:48,773 --> 01:43:50,974
[sirens wailing]

1463
01:43:54,912 --> 01:43:56,281
[police radio chatter]

1464
01:43:57,215 --> 01:43:58,216
[door slams]

1465
01:43:59,551 --> 01:44:00,984
[Lidia exhales]

1466
01:44:16,668 --> 01:44:17,868
[Lidia grunts]

1467
01:44:26,444 --> 01:44:28,279
[sploshing]

1468
01:44:42,193 --> 01:44:44,763
[Woman] I told you
not to fuck with me, bitch!

1469
01:44:44,796 --> 01:44:48,199
I told you.
And you [indiscernible].

1470
01:44:50,702 --> 01:44:52,537
[service vehicle backing up]

1471
01:44:56,708 --> 01:44:58,476
I'm fucking trash.

1472
01:45:00,645 --> 01:45:04,182
[Officer Kyle] Hey, what are you
doing? Keep it moving.

1473
01:45:04,716 --> 01:45:07,552
[jazzy drums beating]

1474
01:45:17,529 --> 01:45:18,496
[Lidia pants]

1475
01:45:22,333 --> 01:45:23,334
Hi.

1476
01:45:27,138 --> 01:45:29,940
Chopping block. Peer review.

1477
01:45:30,608 --> 01:45:32,110
Who wants to go first?

1478
01:45:32,143 --> 01:45:33,445
[classroom chatter]

1479
01:45:33,478 --> 01:45:34,512
Really helpful.

1480
01:45:35,447 --> 01:45:37,582
You know, you can't
live the wrong life.

1481
01:45:37,615 --> 01:45:39,350
You really can't. It's
a story you were told.

1482
01:45:39,384 --> 01:45:41,352
Your one is just as
important, it's your own.

1483
01:45:41,386 --> 01:45:44,955
You have to -- It has to
hurt. But I'm excited for you.

1484
01:45:57,802 --> 01:45:59,002
[Lidia sighs]

1485
01:46:03,741 --> 01:46:06,144
[low rumble]

1486
01:46:09,347 --> 01:46:11,115
[Woman crying]

1487
01:46:13,318 --> 01:46:15,220
[screeching tires, crash]

1488
01:46:20,859 --> 01:46:25,028
[indistinct arguing]

1489
01:46:33,036 --> 01:46:35,540
[arguing continues]

1490
01:46:36,574 --> 01:46:38,041
[Man] I don't give a shit!

1491
01:46:38,075 --> 01:46:39,544
[Woman] Now what?

1492
01:46:41,646 --> 01:46:43,046
[Lidia] Something small

1493
01:46:43,080 --> 01:46:45,048
and specific caught my eye,

1494
01:46:45,082 --> 01:46:46,851
an important detail --

1495
01:46:46,885 --> 01:46:50,221
a bruise on the bridge of
her nose letting me know that

1496
01:46:50,255 --> 01:46:51,923
her eyes were blue
like mine.

1497
01:46:51,956 --> 01:46:53,157
Hey!

1498
01:46:55,426 --> 01:46:56,427
How much?

1499
01:46:59,062 --> 01:47:02,567
I pay her pimp
$100. I ask her in.

1500
01:47:03,234 --> 01:47:04,702
I tell her to sit down.

1501
01:47:05,570 --> 01:47:06,738
[desk creaks]

1502
01:47:08,573 --> 01:47:10,341
In the story,
I say,

1503
01:47:10,375 --> 01:47:12,443
[Lidia VO] <i>"This is what it</i>
<i>feels like to be me."</i>

1504
01:47:14,112 --> 01:47:16,614
<i>A woman who teaches English,</i>

1505
01:47:16,648 --> 01:47:20,083
<i>looking down at a woman who</i>
<i>sucks dicks all day</i>

1506
01:47:20,118 --> 01:47:23,187
<i>as she sits on my</i>
<i>couch, smoking.</i>

1507
01:47:25,290 --> 01:47:28,726
<i>When I look at her,</i>
<i>I think she looks like Mary.</i>

1508
01:47:30,528 --> 01:47:33,698
[whispering] <i>Whenever</i>
<i>I see an image of Christ</i> ,

1509
01:47:33,731 --> 01:47:36,301
<i>I picture Mary so</i>
<i>drawn and gaunt and tired</i>

1510
01:47:36,334 --> 01:47:38,202
<i>and angry to the</i>
<i>point of emaciation</i>

1511
01:47:38,236 --> 01:47:40,772
<i>that she can barely</i>
<i>wear her own face.</i>

1512
01:47:51,015 --> 01:47:53,585
In the story, I say,

1513
01:47:55,987 --> 01:47:57,355
"What am I gonna do?

1514
01:47:58,756 --> 01:47:59,757
Teach her?"

1515
01:48:02,493 --> 01:48:06,731
This is what me, an
addict, upwardly mobile,

1516
01:48:06,764 --> 01:48:09,734
given something as
infinitesimally small

1517
01:48:09,767 --> 01:48:12,604
as words to believe in, thinks.

1518
01:48:12,637 --> 01:48:15,740
-[Lidia] I'm looking at her.
-[birds chirping]

1519
01:48:19,143 --> 01:48:20,645
Offer words.

1520
01:48:30,888 --> 01:48:33,224
[crickets chirping]

1521
01:48:34,192 --> 01:48:37,428
People say
to me all the time,

1522
01:48:37,462 --> 01:48:41,432
"Did the things in your short
stories actually happen?"

1523
01:48:42,667 --> 01:48:43,668
[door shuts]

1524
01:48:44,535 --> 01:48:46,237
Isn't that the--

1525
01:48:46,804 --> 01:48:48,139
the question

1526
01:48:49,207 --> 01:48:50,808
when it comes to life?

1527
01:48:56,814 --> 01:48:58,583
Did this really happen to me?

1528
01:49:07,558 --> 01:49:08,559
Andy.

1529
01:49:10,561 --> 01:49:11,562
I don't know.

1530
01:49:19,470 --> 01:49:22,573
[Lidia VO] <i>The things that</i>
<i>happen to us are true.</i>

1531
01:49:24,776 --> 01:49:28,713
<i>But writing is a</i>
<i>whole other body.</i>

1532
01:49:29,781 --> 01:49:32,583
I was hoping we could
discuss my manuscript.

1533
01:49:33,985 --> 01:49:36,688
Oh. Of course. Yeah.

1534
01:49:39,257 --> 01:49:41,359
I also want to loan you my car.

1535
01:49:45,029 --> 01:49:46,964
Saw you were taking the bus, and

1536
01:49:48,167 --> 01:49:49,867
I happen to have two cars.

1537
01:49:52,970 --> 01:49:53,971
[keys jingle]

1538
01:50:04,582 --> 01:50:05,583
Hey.

1539
01:50:22,900 --> 01:50:24,402
[Andy gasps]

1540
01:50:28,239 --> 01:50:29,540
You can tell a
lot about a person

1541
01:50:29,574 --> 01:50:31,375
from seeing them in the water.

1542
01:50:33,311 --> 01:50:34,512
[Andy] Thank you.

1543
01:50:37,715 --> 01:50:40,418
-For what?
-For letting me swim with you.

1544
01:50:41,120 --> 01:50:42,620
I read a couple of your stories.

1545
01:50:42,653 --> 01:50:44,822
I know that
swimming's a big deal.

1546
01:50:46,158 --> 01:50:48,025
I always let my students
choose the venue.

1547
01:50:49,228 --> 01:50:50,428
[Andy] You know,
I wanted to say

1548
01:50:50,461 --> 01:50:52,830
I've seen you a couple
of times before.

1549
01:50:52,864 --> 01:50:55,333
Yeah, I read about Ken
Kesey teaching at U of O

1550
01:50:55,366 --> 01:50:57,769
when I was abroad, and I
applied to the program,

1551
01:50:57,802 --> 01:50:59,403
but it already happened.

1552
01:51:00,239 --> 01:51:01,806
No shit. That's funny.

1553
01:51:01,839 --> 01:51:03,441
[Andy] Yeah, I know.

1554
01:51:03,474 --> 01:51:05,210
And then I seen
you stomping around

1555
01:51:05,244 --> 01:51:06,778
the creative writing department.

1556
01:51:08,646 --> 01:51:10,648
I was in the reading
you gave at Gerlinger.

1557
01:51:13,818 --> 01:51:14,952
Wow. That's...

1558
01:51:18,356 --> 01:51:20,558
That's weird. Weird.

1559
01:51:24,263 --> 01:51:25,997
That was a weird day for me.

1560
01:51:28,833 --> 01:51:29,834
Why?

1561
01:51:38,709 --> 01:51:39,710
My father

1562
01:51:42,847 --> 01:51:43,848
was--my--

1563
01:51:45,117 --> 01:51:46,317
my father...

1564
01:51:49,921 --> 01:51:51,355
[Andy] Your father?

1565
01:51:53,391 --> 01:51:54,592
Was abusive.

1566
01:51:58,062 --> 01:51:59,030
Your father.

1567
01:52:02,134 --> 01:52:03,334
How so?

1568
01:52:05,770 --> 01:52:06,771
Sexual.

1569
01:52:07,405 --> 01:52:08,606
[Andy] Oh.

1570
01:52:10,374 --> 01:52:11,576
That sucks.

1571
01:52:20,785 --> 01:52:23,921
I hope something karmically
fucked happened to him.

1572
01:52:25,290 --> 01:52:26,490
Yeah.

1573
01:52:29,627 --> 01:52:31,529
It kind of actually--it did.

1574
01:52:32,964 --> 01:52:34,233
Excellent, then.

1575
01:52:34,266 --> 01:52:35,466
[Lidia laughs]

1576
01:52:40,339 --> 01:52:41,873
Uh, I, um--

1577
01:52:42,540 --> 01:52:44,176
Blah. It was a long time ago.

1578
01:52:44,209 --> 01:52:46,377
I was a totally
different person then.

1579
01:52:48,045 --> 01:52:49,513
So who are you now?

1580
01:52:52,049 --> 01:52:53,384
I'm your teacher.

1581
01:52:53,417 --> 01:52:54,919
[Lidia laughs]

1582
01:52:59,957 --> 01:53:02,560
So, Teach, are you
gonna take my car?

1583
01:53:26,484 --> 01:53:28,052
[Lidia VO] <i>I don't quite</i>
<i>know how to tell you</i>

1584
01:53:28,085 --> 01:53:29,720
<i>what it feels like.</i>

1585
01:53:32,623 --> 01:53:35,793
<i>Watching the little</i>
<i>woman swim for her life.</i>

1586
01:53:36,827 --> 01:53:37,962
[paper tears]

1587
01:53:39,063 --> 01:53:40,965
<i>I mean.</i>

1588
01:54:02,220 --> 01:54:04,122
[Lidia] Are you fucking insane?

1589
01:54:11,729 --> 01:54:12,730
No.

1590
01:54:22,274 --> 01:54:24,008
You think I'm someone else.

1591
01:54:25,776 --> 01:54:26,777
Hm-mm.

1592
01:54:32,117 --> 01:54:33,884
I can see the mother in you.

1593
01:54:43,561 --> 01:54:46,164
There's more to your
story than you think.

1594
01:54:58,909 --> 01:55:00,245
[baby cries]

1595
01:55:00,278 --> 01:55:02,780
[soft dramatic music]

1596
01:55:07,051 --> 01:55:08,619
[baby cries]

1597
01:55:11,256 --> 01:55:12,990
[inaudible whisper]

1598
01:55:13,024 --> 01:55:15,193
[baby cries]

1599
01:55:23,268 --> 01:55:25,203
[baby cries]

1600
01:55:33,311 --> 01:55:34,312
[baby coos]

1601
01:55:57,068 --> 01:55:58,602
[Miles babbles]

1602
01:56:13,951 --> 01:56:15,086
[Miles babbles]

1603
01:56:19,657 --> 01:56:21,226
[Miles babbles]

1604
01:56:24,229 --> 01:56:25,996
[car approaching]

1605
01:56:26,030 --> 01:56:27,566
[Miles babbles]

1606
01:56:39,244 --> 01:56:41,146
[door opens]

1607
01:56:41,179 --> 01:56:44,615
-[Mike] Oh it's, very nice.
-[Andy] This is it.

1608
01:56:44,648 --> 01:56:46,151
[Mike] Very nice.

1609
01:56:47,419 --> 01:56:49,221
[Andy] Well, we're just gonna
go this way, sir, on the left.

1610
01:56:49,254 --> 01:56:50,621
[Mike] Oh.

1611
01:56:50,654 --> 01:56:52,290
[footsteps]

1612
01:56:55,393 --> 01:56:56,394
[Mike sighs]

1613
01:57:10,841 --> 01:57:13,043
What about the room?

1614
01:57:13,077 --> 01:57:15,280
They said it would
be ready tomorrow for sure.

1615
01:57:15,547 --> 01:57:16,747
Okay.

1616
01:57:20,185 --> 01:57:22,953
That must have been
a very weird ride.

1617
01:57:25,756 --> 01:57:26,957
[Lidia laughs]

1618
01:57:28,627 --> 01:57:29,827
Thank you.

1619
01:57:30,961 --> 01:57:32,830
[whispers] You don't ever have
to say thank you to me.

1620
01:57:40,172 --> 01:57:41,672
I'm good. [laughs]

1621
01:57:42,207 --> 01:57:43,208
Yeah?

1622
01:57:43,941 --> 01:57:45,075
Yeah.

1623
01:57:59,191 --> 01:58:00,358
Hi, Dad.

1624
01:58:00,392 --> 01:58:01,792
[Mike] Marilou?

1625
01:58:02,394 --> 01:58:04,094
No. It's me. It's Lidia.

1626
01:58:04,895 --> 01:58:06,431
I know that, kiddo.

1627
01:58:06,464 --> 01:58:08,732
[Miles babbles]

1628
01:58:17,775 --> 01:58:19,110
I read that book.

1629
01:58:20,010 --> 01:58:21,712
-Oh, yeah?
-[Mike] Yeah.

1630
01:58:23,381 --> 01:58:24,982
Do you know who wrote it?

1631
01:58:25,550 --> 01:58:26,750
Oh.

1632
01:58:29,554 --> 01:58:30,754
You.

1633
01:58:31,590 --> 01:58:32,756
That's right.

1634
01:58:36,428 --> 01:58:38,296
Did you read all of the stories?

1635
01:58:38,330 --> 01:58:39,297
[Mike] I, uh,

1636
01:58:40,998 --> 01:58:42,967
There was one about swimming.

1637
01:58:45,670 --> 01:58:46,870
I liked that.

1638
01:58:49,106 --> 01:58:50,108
Thank you.

1639
01:58:52,210 --> 01:58:54,412
Not very flattering
of me, though.

1640
01:58:57,449 --> 01:58:59,150
That's fair enough. [laughs]

1641
01:58:59,184 --> 01:59:00,185
[Mike] Ah.

1642
01:59:08,092 --> 01:59:11,895
You know, I won a
prize for that story.

1643
01:59:13,298 --> 01:59:14,798
I got to go to New York.

1644
01:59:21,172 --> 01:59:22,173
[Mike] Huh.

1645
01:59:24,576 --> 01:59:26,478
Well, isn't that something, huh?

1646
01:59:28,313 --> 01:59:29,314
[Mike sighs]

1647
01:59:31,316 --> 01:59:32,450
It's beautiful here.

1648
01:59:35,886 --> 01:59:38,022
It's a real home you have here.

1649
01:59:43,194 --> 01:59:44,229
Well done.

1650
01:59:45,563 --> 01:59:46,564
Well done, you.

1651
01:59:48,633 --> 01:59:51,068
[Lidia VO] <i>The safest memories</i>
<i>are locked away in the brains</i>

1652
01:59:51,101 --> 01:59:52,504
<i>of people who can't remember.</i>

1653
01:59:52,537 --> 01:59:55,307
[Dorothy] Oh, oh! Get her,
Mike! Get her, Mike!

1654
01:59:55,340 --> 01:59:56,341
[splash]

1655
01:59:57,575 --> 01:59:59,076
[Mike] You know I don't swim.
Claudia, go get your sister.

1656
02:00:01,045 --> 02:00:03,214
[Lidia VO] <i>Underwater forever.</i>

1657
02:00:03,914 --> 02:00:05,550
[water splashes]

1658
02:00:05,583 --> 02:00:07,218
[Andy] There you go, pal.

1659
02:00:07,252 --> 02:00:08,720
[ducks quacking]

1660
02:00:08,753 --> 02:00:10,821
Look, I'm doing 'wimming.

1661
02:00:11,189 --> 02:00:14,225
Wow!

1662
02:00:17,529 --> 02:00:19,863
[Lidia making noises]

1663
02:00:20,332 --> 02:00:21,865
[Miles screams]

1664
02:00:22,866 --> 02:00:24,101
What's wrong?

1665
02:00:24,135 --> 02:00:25,903
[Miles] The water will go in my

1666
02:00:25,936 --> 02:00:29,441
nose and ears and into my brain.

1667
02:00:29,474 --> 02:00:30,475
[Lidia laughs]

1668
02:00:31,409 --> 02:00:32,976
Uh, Miles?

1669
02:00:35,747 --> 02:00:38,616
How many times have you seen

1670
02:00:38,650 --> 02:00:41,252
Mama swimming and swimming laps?

1671
02:00:43,154 --> 02:00:45,490
-Lots of times, right?
-Yeah.

1672
02:00:45,523 --> 02:00:48,760
Have you ever noticed

1673
02:00:48,793 --> 02:00:52,029
that I've never got
water in my brain?

1674
02:00:55,233 --> 02:00:57,268
Water's never gone
into my brain.

1675
02:00:57,836 --> 02:00:59,036
You want to see?

1676
02:00:59,069 --> 02:01:00,772
-Huh.
-Watch this.

1677
02:01:00,805 --> 02:01:02,507
Tell me how much water
goes in my brain.

1678
02:01:02,540 --> 02:01:03,541
-Okay?
-Okay.

1679
02:01:05,543 --> 02:01:06,877
[Lidia breathes deeply]

1680
02:01:14,119 --> 02:01:15,253
See?

1681
02:01:15,286 --> 02:01:16,287
Mm-hmm.

1682
02:01:16,821 --> 02:01:18,189
[Andy] Okay, pull.

1683
02:01:18,223 --> 02:01:21,024
[Miles] I have a very
important game.

1684
02:01:22,960 --> 02:01:25,830
I'm gonna put my
whole head underwater.

1685
02:01:25,864 --> 02:01:26,831
[water splashes]

1686
02:01:26,865 --> 02:01:28,065
Okay.

1687
02:01:28,098 --> 02:01:31,068
[Miles] And we look at
each other underwater.

1688
02:01:32,970 --> 02:01:35,540
-What game is this?
-I made it up.

1689
02:01:35,573 --> 02:01:37,040
[both breathe in deeply]

1690
02:01:38,576 --> 02:01:41,146
-[underwater rumble]
-[ethereal music echoes]

1691
02:01:48,085 --> 02:01:49,554
[Lidia VO] <i>The key is,</i>

1692
02:01:51,556 --> 02:01:52,557
<i>make up shit.</i>

1693
02:02:02,333 --> 02:02:05,470
<i>I'm not speaking out of my</i>
<i>asshole when I say this.</i>

1694
02:02:07,739 --> 02:02:08,939
<i>Come in.</i>

1695
02:02:12,075 --> 02:02:13,611
<i>The water will hold you.</i>

1696
02:02:28,593 --> 02:02:31,529
[dramatic music]

1697
02:02:36,668 --> 02:02:40,103
[singer vocalizing]

1698
02:02:46,043 --> 02:02:49,681
[dramatic music continues]

1699
02:03:46,237 --> 02:03:49,340
[dramatic music continues]

1700
02:04:06,991 --> 02:04:10,328
[singer vocalizing]

1701
02:04:53,571 --> 02:04:56,274
[Lidia whispering] <i>Anything.</i>
<i>Anywhere. Anytime.</i>

1702
02:04:56,307 --> 02:04:59,644
[whispering continues]

1703
02:05:06,084 --> 02:05:08,753
[pencil scribbling]

1704
02:05:11,155 --> 02:05:14,492
[dramatic music]

1705
02:05:22,967 --> 02:05:27,171
[singer vocalizing]

1706
02:06:03,941 --> 02:06:07,945
[singer vocalizing continues]

1707
02:06:12,383 --> 02:06:16,821
[dramatic music continues]

1708
02:06:38,443 --> 02:06:41,779
[singer vocalizing continues]

1709
02:07:04,335 --> 02:07:08,272
[dramatic music continues]

1710
02:07:47,512 --> 02:07:50,548
[dramatic music fades]